A Window to My Soul

My Special Place

2010-04-08T19:48:00.001-05:00

I think perhaps there is a place and time for all of us that caresses our spirit more than any other place and time in our lives. A memory, a hope, a dream...it's real or imagined - or both. ~Philip Erwin

Easter Blessings

2010-04-04T08:44:00.001-05:00

Wishing you and yours a joyous season of love, laughter, and renewal. Happy Easter.

Announcing Alla Breve Books

2010-04-03T17:13:00.000-05:00

Steph's and my new publishing company. Follow this link to our site!

Spring

2010-03-28T07:41:00.004-05:00





I sing of brooks, of blossoms, birds, and bowers:
Of April, May, of June, and July flowers.
I sing of Maypoles, Hock-carts, wassails, wakes,
Of bridegrooms, brides, and of their bridal cakes. 
~Robert Herrick (1591-1674)

Yes, Mr. Vice President, this is a f**king big deal.

2010-03-24T01:18:00.002-05:00

Here's to new beginnings

2010-03-23T19:26:00.001-05:00

It's not perfect, but it's a good start. Thank you, President Obama, for your steadfast commitment to the American People.

AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhit

Jesus Wept

2010-03-18T23:04:00.001-05:00

Then he will say to those at his left hand, "You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me." Then they also will answer, "Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?" Then he will answer them, "Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me."

Another dream realized: Alla Breve Publishing

2010-03-13T09:13:00.005-06:00

In the early 20th century, a group of English writers and literary enthusiasts came together and formed a literary club known as The Bloomsbury Group. Its best known members were Virginia Woolf, John Maynard Keynes, E. M. Forster, and Lytton Strachey. Because their writing centered on controversial subjects and was on the cutting edge of literature, aesthetics, criticism, and economics as well as modern attitudes towards feminism, pacifism, and sexuality, many of them were shunned by the established publishers of the day. So in order for them to publish their writing, they pooled their resources and purchased their own printing press and put it in Woolf's basement.

Now I'm not comparing Steph or myself to the likes of any of the incredible or influential writers listed above, but it is no secret to many people that Steph and I have been frustrated by the state of the publishing industry for quite some time now. In the last twenty years or so, it has become quite evident that mass marketing and big profit are the greatest concerns of the publishing industry, and publishers only use writers as a means to that end, caring little for quality, content, subject matter, or originality. Now, snot-nosed kids with MBA's in business marketing serve as screeners, and if a book isn't "marketable" or doesn't have bestseller potential, the manuscript is flatly rejected no matter the quality of the story or writing. In Steph's case, she put over 15 years into the research, writing, and shopping out of her novel, Night Music: The Memoirs of Wolfgang Amadé Mozart, and sixty-some-odd rejection letters later, it is still sitting on her hard drive unpublished, despite the fact that virtually every rejection letter came with the comments that it was a wonderful story that was beautifully written. The only reason it was refused in each and every case was that they didn't "know how to market it". She has now become so frustrated with the same old rejections, and so tired of re-writing the story over and over to please the publishers, that she has abandoned Night Music to write a trilogy of historical fiction novels based on the rock & roll scene in 1960's through 1980's England.

Because I have watched the frustration and heartbreak that Steph has gone through with Night Music, (and have had my own heart broken over it along with her), I knew that when I began writing So Faithful a Heart that it was most likely it would be doomed to the same fate. So about half into the writing of the novel, I made the decision to self-publish it. I had been introduced to the online print-on-demand publishing company, Lulu.com, through several other writers whose books Steph and I had read (and found to be outstanding quality), that were about obscure subjects on which standard publishers wouldn't take a chance. Because Steph and I are of limited financial means, we were unable to afford a vanity press (which we didn't want to use anyway), so I was excited to learn that I could publish my book through Lulu without any upfront money nor would I be required to purchase hundreds of copies of my book only to have them sitting in my garage rotting because I couldn't get rid of them. So in November of last year, when my book was completed, I published the first edition with Lulu and put it out there in a limited market format to test and see how it would be accepted. To say the least, I was blown away by the response! It sold around 50 copies in less than six weeks and the feedback was incredible. People loved the subject, the story, the writing, and everything about it. I was given comments such as "I can't put it down", and "I don't normally read love stories, but this one is fantastic", or "I stayed up all night so I could finish it and then I cried myself to sleep!" So after such favorable response, I decided to write an expanded version and publish it "for real" with an ISBN number that would allow it to be distributed and marketed internationally. In the meantime, Steph had begun seriously writing her trilogy and we realized that this writing thing could actually lead to something bigger.

We have always dreamed of one day owning our own publishing company, but we figured that it would be too cost prohibitive. But what we didn't understand was that what we were doing with our books by writing them and publishing them through Lulu was actually the beginnings of our own company. We already own a web design company, Alla Breve Design for the Arts, so why not incorporate a publishing branch under the same name and use Lulu as our printer & distributor? So when it came time for me to publish the second edition of So Faithful a Heart, I published it under Alla Breve, and thus our company was born! In the near future, we plan to purchase our own block of ISBN numbers (which is not as expensive as one might think), and publish Steph's trilogy in the same manner, only with our own ISBN, using Lulu as the printer and distributor. We're planning to expand our company to include other genres and to invite other writers to submit their work to be published through Alla Breve, turning it into a small publishing company that specializes in "niche market" writing in which the "big" publishing companies aren't interested.

So there it is--another dream realized.

Righteous Indignation

2010-03-12T09:13:00.000-06:00

Yesterday a friend of mine posted an article on Facebook about how the Oklahoma State Senate on Monday voted to ignore the Federal government's expansion of the 1969 Hate Crimes Law which President Obama signed into law earlier this year to include violent crimes motivated by gender, perceived gender, sexual orientation, or handicap. Already existing in the law were crimes motivated by racial predjudice.

When one of his more conservative friends came in and announced that his rights to free speech were being violated by this law, and that the federal government's intrusion in this area was unconstitutional, I came in and asked him to explain to me just how his rights were being violated by this law. He responded thus:

"When bills are written that extend protections to specific groups, they potentially criminalizes those who speak out against said groups."

He then launched into a diatribe against federal government intrusion and how we liberals have a "narrow world view". So I decided to show this young man just who had the narrow world view. The following was my response.

And these bills wouldn't be necessary if our existing state governments and law enforcements would do blind justice to each and every person who is the victim of a crime no matter its motivation! But unfortunately, in 1969 the Federal Hate Crimes law was enacted because we had too many governments and law enforcement agencies (especially in the South), who would not protect their black citizens. So the federal government had to step in and ENFORCE their protection. If state governments REFUSE to do justice and enforce the equality found in their own constitutions (which cannot, by law, be out of line with the US Constitution), the the federal government not only has the RIGHT but the RESPONSIBILITY to SEE TO IT that those laws are ENFORCED. The bill has been expanded to protect other classes of minorities because it has become clear that state governments, once again, are not willing to protect all of their citizens EQUALLY, under the laws of their own states. So when ALL states and the agencies of those states begin to act JUSTLY, according TO THEIR OWN LAWS on the behalf of ALL their citizens, then perhaps we can reopen this debate and discuss the evils of big government and federal intervention.

If you want this kind of federal government intrusion to end, then get off of your ass and stop whining about how your rights are being taken away from you, and go to your STATE government and DEMAND that it enforce the equality that is already built into its own constitution! Demand that EACH AND EVERY citizen in the state of Maryland be treated EQUALLY under the laws of your state and demand that law enforcement agencies investigate all rapes, domestic violence against women, racial crimes, crimes committed against the handicapped, violent crimes committed against transsexuals, gays, lesbians, and everyone in-between be investigated and prosecuted to the FULL EXTENT of the LAW. THEN when your state COMPLIES to their OWN LAW, and the federal government is still bent on intervention, you will have a right to complain.

Thus endeth the debate.

You write what you know

2010-03-11T21:04:00.000-06:00

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Happy Talk

2010-02-23T23:04:00.000-06:00

A couple of days ago, Steph posted a meme on her blog that simply listed 10 things that made her happy, so I'm grabbing that meme and posting it on mine today. Feel free to grab it from me and use it for yourself if you're so inclined! My happy things are in no particular order.

1. Fresh, clean, bedsheets.
2. A basket-full of scented bath soaps.
3. Sitting at the piano and singing through my Twenty-four Italian Songs & Arias.
4. Listening to my CD of Mozart piano & violin sonatas.
5. Sitting in bed with Steph with both of us working on our laptops.
6. Waking up early in the morning to find Steph still awake and spending an hour with her cuddling, talking, and laughing before I have to get up and get dressed for the day.
7. When my kitty gets up in my face and kisses my nose.
8. When my daughter calls me all excited to tell me that she made a 100% on a really tough exam.
9. When I look in the mirror and realize that I don't look too bad for being almost 50.
10. Napping on the couch with my warm nothing (we call our soft micro-fiber blankets our "warm nothings").

I am a part of it all

2010-02-21T09:04:00.001-06:00

I look all around me and I am always amazed at the things there are to learn. God reveals himself through his creation--through plants & animals, through people, through the cosmos, through the arts & sciences, and through reason & philosophy. To claim that truth can only be found in one source, in one belief, in one religion, in one philosophy is to deny the vastness and inconceivable nature of The Creator, and to me is the ultimate blasphemy. We cannot put God in a box. The more I know of the universe around me, the more I know myself, and the more I know God. What a comfort to know that I am not separate from creation, that I am a part of it, and because I am a part of it, no matter what religions tell me, I am not separated from God, nor have I ever been. No man-made doctrine will ever change that truth.

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds. That deeply emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible universe, forms my idea of God. ~Albert Einstein

It's none of our business

2010-02-19T16:36:00.000-06:00

Am I the only person out here who believes that Tiger Woods doesn't owe anyone a public apology? Since when did his fame make him accountable to me, to his fans, or to the rest of the world? This is about his personal life; HIS marriage, HIS family, and how it affects them. It doesn't affect me in the least. I'm not a golfer or a fan of golf but even if I was, it's none of my business. Why do we seem to have such a need to make gods out of our celebrities and then when they prove that they are only too human, we crucify them?

Perhaps the public owes Tiger Woods an apology for putting him on a pedistal that he never asked to be put on in the first place, robbing him of his humanity and of his right to make mistakes. Perhaps we all need to examine ourselves and ask if we were in the same position, with the same pressures and temptations, would we do any differently?

Nothing's going to harm you

2010-02-17T11:55:00.001-06:00

Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around.

Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around.

Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,

I'll send 'em howling,

I don't care, I got ways.

No one's gonna hurt you,

No one's gonna dare.

Others can desert you,

Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there.

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,

But in time...

Nothing can harm you

Not while I'm around...

Not to worry, not to worry

I may not be smart but I ain't dumb

I can do it, put me to it

Show me something I can't overcome

Not to worry, Mum

Being close and being clever

Ain't like being true

I don't need to,

I would never hide a thing from you,

Like some...

No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare

Others can desert you,

Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while

But in time...

Nothing can harm you

Not while I'm around...

My one and only love

2010-02-14T08:43:00.000-06:00

Announcing a second edition

2010-02-04T09:51:00.002-06:00

It has been nearly three months since I published the first edition of So Faithful a Heart and I have received nothing but glowing reviews. Since this is my first novel, I published it without a registered ISBN number (yes, there is an ISBN assigned to the title, but it isn't registered), so that there would be limited distribution in order that I might keep better tabs on the number of copies out there and get better feedback on it. As I said, thus far, the reviews have been fantastic--people love the story, the characters, the setting, everything. However I have gotten the valid criticism that my readers feel I rushed a bit through the ending and therefore the end didn't contain the emotional impact that the rest of the book had. And since Steph is now deep in the throes of writing her second novel, With a Bullet, she has been learning some tricks of the craft and passing them on to me. Since I published my book back in November, I have learned the writing editor's adage, "show, don't tell" and how to eliminate unnecessary words and phrases that only serve to slow the reader and bog the story down, and now I want to go back and apply them to this novel. So I am now in the process of re-editing and rewriting So Faithful a Heart, to be published as an expanded, second edition, hopefully in about a month. And unlike the first edition, after this one is published, it will be available internationally.

For those who have not yet purchased a copy and are interested in it, I encourage you to wait for the next edition, and for those of you who have already purchased it and read it, I will be happy to offer you the second edition, at cost (no royalties to me), once it is published.

A different drummer

2010-02-03T09:30:00.001-06:00

Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. ~Henry David Thoreau

Life is Art

2010-02-02T12:34:00.001-06:00

Salvation doesn't lie within four walls. I'm too

serious to be a dilettante and too much a dabbler to be a professional. Even the most miserable life is better than a sheltered existence in an organized society where everything is calculated and perfected. (From La Dolce Vita)

Purpose

2010-01-31T10:17:00.000-06:00

Everything in the universe has a purpose. Indeed, the invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you. ~Wayne Dyer

Winter's soft blanket

2010-01-30T09:05:00.000-06:00

From our front porch.

Snow-covered monkey grass.

Snow on the trees and bushes.

From our bedroom window.

A blanket of snow covers our cars.

Living is but a course in Love

2010-01-29T11:20:00.001-06:00

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." ~A Course in Miracles by Wilder Oakes~

(Thanks to Beth M. for this wonderful quote!)

Fire and Ice

2010-01-28T06:49:00.007-06:00

FIRE AND ICE

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire

I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice. ~Robert Frost

On your day

2010-01-27T00:01:00.001-06:00

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

27 January, 1756 to 5 December, 1791

You are always with us.

I carry your heart

2010-01-23T09:24:00.000-06:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

~e.e. cummings

Jumping back into the fire

2010-01-20T12:04:00.000-06:00

It was just a year ago that I began writing So Faithful a Heart (January 13th, 2009, to be exact), and now, a year later, I'm jumping back in again and beginning the background research for my second novel, Rising From the Ashes, of which I am not going to reveal any details just yet. Several have asked if it was going to be another novel about Mozart and my answer to that question is not per se. Mozart figures prominently in the lives of two of the characters, but the story isn't about him, nor is it set in the 18th century, nor is it an historical fiction. I began the character analysis of the first character last night and will probably spend the remainder of the week doing that for three main characters before I begin outlining the plot. It feels good to be writing again.

Writer's Meme

2010-01-18T13:59:00.000-06:00

1. What’s the last thing you wrote? What’s the first thing you wrote that you still have?

The last thing that I wrote was an entry for this blog. The first and last book that I wrote is So Faithful a Heart: The Love Story of Nancy Storace & Wolfgang Mozart. I'm not sure, but I think that the first thing that I wrote that I still have is my master's thesis, but there was a lot more before that, obviously.

2. Write poetry?

No. I am not a poet, but as a singer I am an interpreter of poetry.

3. Angsty poetry?

Doesn't interest me.

4. Favorite genre of writing?

Right now it's historical fiction, but that could change.

5. Most annoying character you’ve ever created?

Elizabeth Storace isn't so much annoying as she is infuriating.

6. Best plot you’ve ever created?

Although So Faithful a Heart's plot was already laid out by virtue of the fact that it is based on real historical events, I had to fill in a lot of blank spaces with information that historical documentation doesn't provide. The scenes at the Baroness' estate after Nancy is nearly beaten to death by John Fisher, I think are some of my best "plot-fillers", as well as the scene when Nancy goes to the theater critic, Count Zinzendorf, to appeal to him to ask the Emperor to commission her brother for an opera for the Burgtheater stage.

7. Coolest plot twist you’ve ever created?

History records a period in Nancy Storace's career when she collapsed on stage and "lost her voice" for four months. Through research, and putting two and two together, I surmised that she had a nervous breakdown and went almost completely catatonic during that four-month period and I wrote that into the plot.

8. How often do you get writer’s block?

I don't know that I've ever experienced writer's block, although I've not written enough to really say.

9. Write fan fiction?

No.

10. Do you type or write by hand?

Type on my desktop computer.

11. Do you save everything you write?

Yes.

12. Do you ever go back to an abandoned idea?

Actually, So Faithful a Heart was resurrected from a story I began when I was in high school. I started a story about two people who fell in love in the 18th century but he was married. She became pregnant with his child and miscarried. I find it very compelling that I discovered this true-life story, years later, that mirrored what I had written when I was a teenager.

13. What’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?

So far, So Faithful a Heart, but who knows, perhaps there will be others that I will like better.

14. What’s everyone else’s favorite story you’ve written?

So far, I've gotten great reivews on So Faithful a Heart, but it's the first thing that I've written that has had a wide readership.

15. Ever written romance or angsty teen drama?

Not really - So Faithful a Heart, is a romantic love story, but I wouldn't call it a romance novel per se. It's more of an historical fiction based on actual historical events.

16. What’s your favorite setting for your characters?

I love writing about the 18th century. It's such a colorful, opulent, and elegant period in history.

17. How many projects are you working on now?

Right now I'm marketing So Faithful a Heart and have ideas for two more books brewing.

18. Have you ever won an award for your writing?

Not yet.

19. What are your five favorite words?

opulent, delicious, pert, charming, indignant

20. What character have you created that is most like yourself?

I put a great deal of myself into Nancy Storace.

21. Where do you get your ideas for your characters?

They are largely composites of people I know.

22. Do you favor happy endings?

Only if the story calls for one, otherwise it's not necessary.

23. Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?

Not when I'm doing my initial writing. It's when I start doing my 2nd drafts and rewrites that I get picky about grammar and spelling.

24. Does music help you write?

Always. I usually listen to the music of the period of which I'm writing.

25. Quote something you’ve written. Whatever pops in your head.

Mozart loved the look and smells of the theater backstage. The aroma of dusty velvet mixed with sawdust, human sweat and stage make-up captivated his innate sensuality, and the thick, red velvet curtains reminded him of the draperies that hung in the bordellos he'd visited once or twice. Perhaps it was also because of the many clandestine encounters he had witnessed between so many actors and actresses, backed up against the walls or hiding behind heavy, velvet curtains, unashamedly indulging their heated passions between acts. Whatever the reason, being backstage always aroused him, especially when he was in the company of a beautiful woman.

Exacting the price

2010-01-17T15:40:00.000-06:00

But he that dares not grasp the thorn Should never crave the rose. ~ Anne Bronte

Pat, your God makes me sick

2010-01-14T15:03:00.001-06:00

Between the Christianity of this land, and the Christianity of Christ, I recognize the widest, possible difference–so wide, that to receive the one as good, pure, and holy, is of necessity to reject the other as bad, corrupt, and wicked. To be the friend of the one, is of necessity to be the enemy of the other. I love the pure, peaceable, and impartial Christianity of Christ: I therefore hate the corrupt, slaveholding, women-whipping, cradle-plundering, partial and hypocritical Christianity of this land. Indeed, I can see no reason, but the most deceitful one, for calling the religion of this land Christianity. I look upon it as the climax of all misnomers, the boldest of all frauds, and the grossest of all libels. ~ Frederick Douglass

My heart is with the people of Haiti in their time of deep tragedy and sorrow.

On meddling in other people's lives

2010-01-13T09:46:00.000-06:00

Some of life's lessons are the hardest lessons. For whatever reason, I messed up and it has cost me a lifelong friendship. I must now confess that it was my need to fix my friend's life that contributed to this end, and I truly regret that.

I'm reminded of Jane Austen's Emma. I have never really liked that story, and even after reading the book and seeing the film several times, the character of Emma always irked me, and made me angry. Now I know why, for when I looked at Emma, I was seeing a reflection of myself and I didn't like what I saw. (I feel that it is no coincidence that I watched the film, yet again, with my daughter, Lauren, this weekend.) So now that I've seen my ugly face starring back at me through Emma's mirror, I must take action and do something to fix myself, for a change.

I found a website that addresses the need to fix and found some helpful information. (I'm posting the link HERE just in case some other "chronic fixers" might be interested in seeing it.) Here are some of the things that stood out for me.

My need to fix is driven by the following:

1. Compulsively driven behavior to rescue or help another person, place or thing to be the way you believe it "should be.''
2. Inability to accept people, places or things the way they are and the chronic attempt at changing them even if they are unchangeable.
3. Drive to feel "needed'' or "wanted'' which leads you to become overly involved and responsible in your relationships with persons, places and things.
4. Result of a pattern of getting approval and recognition from others for "helping'' in the past with the belief that this is the only way you can have meaning in life.

The negative effects of my need to fix are:

1. Run the risk of becoming a caretaker to many with few people giving you the healthy emotional support you need to be a fully functioning and coping human.
2. Experience people moving away from you if they no longer desire "to be fixed'' by your advice, solutions or insights.
3. Will hand out a lot of "I owe yous'' to those you fix in hope they will be there for you when you need them, unfortunately forgetting that your only worth to them has been the fixing you perform and they will not "come through'' the way you hope they will in your time of need.
4. Might be the one who does all the work in a relationship and, once you "stop the work,'' the relationship will die since you are no longer working at fixing it.
5. Might have successfully used everyone else's problems to divert your attention from yourself, the only one you have greatest odds of fixing because you can have control and change yourself best.

I'm going to spend a lot of time in deep introspection in order to address this problem. I'm also going to seek to cultivate friendships with persons who are less needy and who will be more available to support me in my own personal growth and character. I also need to find the balance between compassion and meddling and learn the difference between the two. But most of all, I'm going to work on that pesky little guy named "ego", and put him back in his proper place.

Thankfully Emma had many redeeming qualities - loyalty, compassion, generosity - to name a few, so in the end, it turned out well for her, for she was able to see the err of her ways and cultivate those qualities that made people fall in love with her in the first place. I will do the same, and only hope that one day my old friend can find it in his heart to forgive me.

Thoughts are Things

2010-01-12T10:05:00.000-06:00

Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than material force, that thoughts rule the world. ~ Ralf Waldo Emerson

Equality's Day in Court

2010-01-11T17:10:00.000-06:00

Today was the opening day of the challenge to Proposition 8 in a California Federal Court. Attorney for the plantiffs, Ted Olson, gave his opening statement, challenging the constitutionality of Proposition 8, which took away the rights of California LGBT's to marriage.

OPENING STATEMENT

(as prepared)

This case is about marriage and equality. Plaintiffs are being denied both the right to marry, and the right to equality under the law.

The Supreme Court of the United States has repeatedly described the right to marriage as “one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men;” a “basic civil right;” a component of the constitutional rights to liberty, privacy, association, and intimate choice; an expression of emotional support and public commitment; the exercise of spiritual unity; and a fulfillment of one’s self.

In short, in the words of the highest court in the land, marriage is “the most important relation in life,” and “of fundamental importance for all individuals.”

As the witnesses in this case will elaborate, marriage is central to life in America. It promotes mental, physical and emotional health and the economic strength and stability of those who enter into a marital union. It is the building block of family, neighborhood and community. The California Supreme Court has declared that the right to marry is of “central importance to an individual’s opportunity to live a happy, meaningful, and satisfying life as a full member of society.”

Proposition 8 ended the dream of marriage, the most important relation in life, for the plaintiffs and hundreds of thousands of Californians.

In May of 2008, the California Supreme Court concluded that under this State’s Constitution, the right to marry a person of one’s choice extended to all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation, and was available equally to same-sex and opposite-sex couples.

In November of 2008, the voters of California responded to that decision with Proposition 8, amending the State’s Constitution and, on the basis of sexual orientation and sex, slammed the door to marriage to gay and lesbian citizens.

The plaintiffs are two loving couples, American citizens, entitled to equality and due process under our Constitution. They are in deeply committed, intimate, and longstanding relationships. They want to marry the person they love; to enter into that “most important relation in life”; to share their dreams with their partners; and to confer the many benefits of marriage on their families.

But Proposition 8 singled out gay men and lesbians as a class, swept away their right to marry, pronounced them unequal, and declared their relationships inferior and less-deserving of respect and dignity.

In the words of the California Supreme Court, eliminating the right of individuals to marry a same-sex partner relegated those individuals to “second class” citizenship, and told them, their families and their neighbors that their love and desire for a sanctioned marital partnership was not worthy of recognition.

During this trial, Plaintiffs and leading experts in the fields of history, psychology, economics and political science will prove three fundamental points:

First – Marriage is vitally important in American society.

Second – By denying gay men and lesbians the right to marry, Proposition 8 works a grievous harm on the plaintiffs and other gay men and lesbians throughout California, and adds yet another chapter to the long history of discrimination they have suffered.

Third – Proposition 8 perpetrates this irreparable, immeasurable, discriminatory harm for no good reason.

I MARRIAGE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATION IN LIFE

Plaintiffs will present evidence from leading experts, representing some of the finest academic institutions in this country and the world, who will reinforce what the highest courts of California and the United States have already repeatedly said about the importance of marriage in society and the significant benefits that marriage confers on couples, their families, and the community. Proponents cannot dispute these basic facts.

While marriage has been a revered and important institution throughout the history of this country and this State, it has also evolved to shed irrational, unwarranted, and discriminatory restrictions and limitations that reflected the biases, prejudices or stereotypes of the past. Marriage laws that disadvantaged women or people of disfavored race or ethnicity have been eliminated. These changes have come from legislatures and the courts. Far from harming the institution of marriage, the elimination of discriminatory restrictions on marriage has strengthened the institution, its vitality, and its importance in American society today.

II PROPOSITION 8 HARMS GAY AND LESBIAN INDIVIDUALS, THEIR CHILDREN AND THEIR COMMUNITIES

Proposition 8 had a simple, straightforward, and devastating purpose: to withdraw from gay and lesbian people like the Plaintiffs their previously recognized constitutional right to marry. The official title of the ballot measure said it all: “Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry.”

Proponents of Proposition 8 have insisted that the persons they would foreclose from the institution of marriage have suffered no harm because they have been given the opportunity to form something called a “domestic partnership.” That is a cruel fiction.

Plaintiffs will describe the harm that they suffer every day because they are prevented from marrying. And they will describe how demeaning and insulting it can be to be told that they remain free to marry—as long, that is, that they marry someone of the opposite sex instead of the person they love, the companion of their choice.

And the evidence will demonstrate that relegating gay men and lesbians to “domestic partnerships” is to inflict upon them badges of inferiority that forever stigmatize their loving relationships as different, separate, unequal, and less worthy—something akin to a commercial venture, not a loving union. Indeed, the proponents of Proposition 8 acknowledge that domestic partnerships are not the same as traditional marriage. Proponents proudly proclaim that, under Proposition 8, the “unique and highly favorable imprimatur” of marriage is reserved to “opposite-sex unions.”

This government-sponsored societal stigmatization causes grave psychological and physical harms to gay men and lesbians and their families. It increases the likelihood that they will experience discrimination and harassment; it causes immeasurable harm.

Sadly, Proposition 8 is only the most recent chapter in our nation’s long and painful history of discrimination and prejudice against gay and lesbian individuals. They have been classified as degenerates, targeted by police, harassed in the workplace, censored, demonized, fired from government jobs, excluded from our armed forces, arrested for their private sexual conduct, and repeatedly stripped of their fundamental rights by popular vote. Although progress has occurred, the roots of discrimination run deep and its impacts spread wide.

III PROPOSITION 8 HARMS GAY AND LESBIAN INDIVIDUALS FOR NO GOOD REASON

Proposition 8 singles out gay and lesbian individuals alone for exclusion from the institution of marriage. In California, even convicted murderers and child abusers enjoy the freedom to marry. As the evidence clearly establishes, this discrimination has been placed in California’s Constitution even though its victims are, and always have been, fully contributing members of our society. And it excludes gay men and lesbians from the institution of marriage even though the characteristic for which they are targeted—their sexual orientation—like race, sex, and ethnicity, is a fundamental aspect of their identity that they did not choose for themselves and, as the California Supreme Court has found, is highly resistant to change.

The State of California has offered no justification for its decision to eliminate the fundamental right to marry for a segment of its citizens. And its chief legal officer, the Attorney General, admits that none exists. And the evidence will show that each of the rationalizations for Proposition 8 invented by its Proponents is wholly without merit.

“Procreation” cannot be a justification inasmuch as Proposition 8 permits marriage by persons who are unable or have no intention of producing children. Indeed, the institution of civil marriage in this country has never been tied to the procreative capacity of those seeking to marry.

Proposition 8 has no rational relation to the parenting of children because same-sex couples and opposite sex couples are equally permitted to have and raise children in California. The evidence in this case will demonstrate that gay and lesbian individuals are every bit as capable of being loving, caring and effective parents as heterosexuals. The quality of a parent is not measured by gender but the content of the heart.

And, as for protecting “traditional marriage,” our opponents “don’t know” how permitting gay and lesbian couples to marry would harm the marriages of opposite-sex couples. Needless to say, guesswork and speculation is not an adequate justification for discrimination. In fact, the evidence will demonstrate affirmatively that permitting loving, deeply committed, couples like the plaintiffs to marry has no impact whatsoever upon the marital relationships of others.

When voters in California were urged to enact Proposition 8, they were encouraged to believe that unless Proposition 8 were enacted, anti-gay religious institutions would be closed, gay activists would overwhelm the will of the heterosexual majority, and that children would be taught that it was “acceptable” for gay men and lesbians to marry. Parents were urged to “protect our children” from that presumably pernicious viewpoint.

At the end of the day, whatever the motives of its Proponents, Proposition 8 enacted an utterly irrational regime to govern entitlement to the fundamental right to marry, consisting now of at least four separate and distinct classes of citizens: (1) heterosexuals, including convicted criminals, substance abusers and sex offenders, who are permitted to marry; (2) 18,000 same-sex couples married between June and November of 2008, who are allowed to remain married but may not remarry if they divorce or are widowed; (3) thousands of same-sex couples who were married in certain other states prior to November of 2008, whose marriages are now valid and recognized in California; and, finally (4) all other same-sex couples in California who, like the Plaintiffs, are prohibited from marrying by Proposition 8.

There is no rational justification for this unique pattern of discrimination. Proposition 8, and the irrational pattern of California’s regulation of marriage which it promulgates, advances no legitimate state interest. All it does is label gay and lesbian persons as different, inferior, unequal, and disfavored. And it brands their relationships as not the same, and less-approved than those enjoyed by opposite sex couples. It stigmatizes gays and lesbians, classifies them as outcasts, and causes needless pain, isolation and humiliation.

It is unconstitutional.

Winter Conversation

2010-01-07T00:01:00.002-06:00

I listen to you explain the difference
between a right brain thought and a left.
I am distracted by the smell
of cold on your face.
I lick it away like a child
with an ice cream cone
sticky fingers and sweet tongue.

Aware that I have been here before
I pause in your words.
I have slept in this flesh,
dreamed these winter bones.

Waking in the darkness between us
I hear frost sweeping the porch,
edging toward the morning.
I reach for your hand.

What, you whisper, voice hoarse with dream.
My lips, swollen with you, cold,
are silent.

~Joyce Wakefield

The Confidence to Succeed

2010-01-06T00:05:00.001-06:00

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

~ Helen Keller

Blow Thou Winter Wind

2010-01-05T07:54:00.000-06:00

Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho! the holly!
This life is most jolly.

Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
Thou dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remember'd not.
Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho! the holly!
This life is most jolly.

~William Shakespeare

A Winter Night

2010-01-04T23:45:00.000-06:00

Now winter nights enlarge
The number of their hours,
And clouds their storms discharge
Upon the airy towers.
Let now the chimneys blaze,
And cups o’erflow with wine;
Let well-tuned words amaze
With harmony divine.
Now yellow waxen lights
Shall wait on honey love,
While youthful revels, masques, and courtly sights
Sleep’s leaden spells remove.

This time doth well dispense
With lovers’ long discourse;
Much speech hath some defence,
Though beauty no remorse.
All do not all things well;
Some measures comely tread,
Some knotted riddles tell,
Some poems smoothly read.
The summer hath his joys
And winter his delights;
Though love and all his pleasures are but toys,
They shorten tedious nights.

~Thomas Champion, 1617

The only bad thing about vacations...

2010-01-03T20:48:00.000-06:00

...is that they have to end.

I have had two, four-day weekends in a row and I've so enjoyed them that I dread getting back into the routine. These last two weekends have been filled with nothing but lazy indulgence - going to bed late and sleeping-in late, hot tea and biscotti with Steph at 3:30 in the afternoon, endless games of Scrabble while listening to our favorite classical music station, playing around on Facebook, blogging, finding new and interesting videos on YouTube, and relishing every last minute of our quiet time spent together.

Back to work tomorrow...sigh...

The Year in Review Meme

2010-01-02T11:38:00.001-06:00

I got this from my sweetie over on The Incurable Insomniac.

1. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think that my resolution (although not formally declared), was to start and finish my book. Not only did I accomplish that, but I published it as well!

2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Steph gave birth to a great new idea for a new novel! Does that count?

3. Did anyone close to you die?
My ninety-seven-year-old grandmother died in May .

4. What countries did you visit?
Through writing So Faithful a Heart, I visited Vienna, Austria almost daily.

5. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Money! <-------What Steph said!

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The writing and publishing of So Faithful a Heart (which is now on Amazon). I'm still pinching myself to make sure that I'm not dreaming.

7. What was your biggest failure?
I don't like to think in terms of success or failure. I strive to do my best in all things. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't.

8. What was the best thing you bought?
The first pedicure of the season, last spring. Getting a pedicure is one of my favorite personal luxuries.

9. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Steph, Joel, Micah and Heather's for pulling together when it came time for us to move.

10. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Certain members of my immediate family of origin.

11. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and utilities.

12. What did you get really excited about?
Holding my published book in my hands for the first time. I'll never forget the feeling.

13. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Handel's aria Lascia ch'io pianga, from his opera, "Rinaldo".

14. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Much, much happier.

15. Thinner or fatter?
Fatter. I'm in the throes of menopause. It's depressing.

16. Richer or poorer?
Poorer financially, but richer in every other way.

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I didn't have time to do much more of anything.

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying.

19. How did you spend Christmas?
We had a great little Christmas with our imediate family.

20. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Over and over again!

21. What was your favorite TV program?
We no longer watch TV and I'm glad. I was able to really enjoy the Holidays without all the marketing and hype, and not watching the news has greatly contributed to my current peace of mind. <---What Steph said.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is a waste of precious energy and hurts no one but the hater. Give it up. <---What Steph said.

23. What was the best book you read?
I spent so much time writing my own book that I've really not read a whole lot this year. I started Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert but I'm having a hard time getting into it.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Oh most definitely Mozart's Piano and Violin Sonatas. We have a CD of them that I had hardly listened to until we started painting this house. I listened to that CD while painting and I literally fell in love with them!

25. What did you want and get?
When I found out that this little cottage had gone up for lease, I wanted it so much I would drive by it every day on my way to work just to look at it again. I was ecstatic when I found out that we got it!

26. What did you want and not get?
I wanted to sell my Mozartiana last Fall. Hasn't happened yet, but it will soon, I'm sure. Just waiting on the economy to improve. <---What Steph said.

27. What were your favorite films of this year?
Probably The Duchess. (I know it came out in 2008, but I didn't see it until 2009) It was an historical fiction that took place in England during the late 18th century, the same time period in which my novel is set. There were some intriguing similarities.

28. What did you do on your birthday?
I honestly don't remember. We were in the throes of moving then.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Early I-need-to-get-a-new-wardrobe-but-I-can't-afford-new-clothes.

30. What kept you sane?
Steph's love, support, and encouragement. Going for and reaching my goals.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
President Obama.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
Health care, Gay rights.

33. Who did you miss?
My brother, Monte.

34. Who was the best new person you met?
Lori H. - a lady I actually met through an online political action group during the 2008 presidential campaign but got to be good friends with on Facebook over this last year.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Don't worry. Let it flow. Surrender. Forgive. <----What Steph said.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

With a little luck we can help it out
We can make this whole damn thing work out.
With a little love we can lay it down
Can't you feel the town exploding.
There is no end to what we can do together
There is no end.
The willow turns his back on inclement weather
And if he can do it we can do it
Just me and you.

And a little luck we can clear it up
We can bring it in for a landing.
With a rittle luck we can turn it on
There can be no misunderstanding.
There is no end to what we can do together

With a little push we could set it off
We can send it rocketing skywards.
With a little love we could shake it up
Don't you feel the comet exploding.

New Year's 2009/10

2010-01-01T10:54:00.002-06:00

Last night we had our annual New Year's Eve party, and it didn't disappoint. At first we were afraid that the attendance was going to be down, but between Jacey and her boyfriend Kyle (he's a keeper, Jacey!), Heather and her boyfriend, Bryan (he's a keeper, too!), and of course, Allen, Ville (who showed up despite the fact that she felt like crap), and all the rest of us, we had one of the best attended parties in recent years and definitely one of the most fun! The following pictures are of some of the highlights!

Nettl gets down.

Micah & Steph do the bump.

Joel guards the food.

Ville is ready for her close-up.

Micah as Stevie as Keiff.

Allen gets down and dirty.

Happy New Year, 2010!

2009-12-31T16:41:00.000-06:00

Wishing you love, joy, success & prosperity in 2010!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The Author becomes the Marketer

2009-12-29T11:14:00.000-06:00

It's true. One of the hard facts of publishing now days is that no matter if you're published by a firm or self-published, the author is responsible for a lion's share of the marketing of a book. I have learned that the term for this is "flogging" a book. I'm not sure where this term originates, as I am completely new to this.

The good news is that in a little over six weeks since my book has published I have sold 38 copies! The bad news is that virtually every one of those copies has gone to someone I know. BUT that is all about to change, for just yesterday I learned that So Faithful a Heart is now available for purchase on both Amazon and Ebay! This will greatly increase my market and since Ebay accepts PayPal and ships internationally (a feature that is not offered for my book on Amazon), that means that my market has expanded tremendously!

In the meantime I am looking for reviewers for my Amazon page. If you have read So Faithful a Heart and have an account on Amazon.com, I would be most grateful if you would go there and write a review. The more the merrier and the more recognition it will get!

Our White Christmas, 2009

2009-12-25T07:44:00.003-06:00

Our little cottage in Christmas Eve snow!

Looking through the wreath on the front door.

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

Merry Christmas, everyone!

The humble plight of the Ugly Chicken

2009-12-13T08:26:00.002-06:00

Back in the mid 1970's, when I was a teenager, my mother went out and purchased a whole box full of unpainted ceramic Christmas tree ornaments and all the paints, brushes, and supplies that we would need to paint them. There were all kinds of ornaments - cute little mice perched upon Christmas packages, stockings, candy canes, manger scenes, stars, etc. However, among all of these cute and whimsical ornaments, was a plain, ugly, chicken which never got chosen to be painted.

My mother, brother, and I, all three, spent many leisurely, creative hours, painting ornaments, and by Christmas, we had quite a collection of ceramic ornaments to both hang on our tree and to give away as gifts. And as the supply of unfinished ornaments would begin to dwindle, Mother would go out buy another batch for us to paint.

One day, when I was rather bored, and needed something to do, I got the box of unpainted ornaments down and found that the supply had dwindled to only a few of the least favorites, so I decided to finish them up. Among the few, was the ugly chicken, which no one ever wanted to paint. There were only about five or six left, so one-by-one I painted the remaining ornaments, leaving the chicken for last. When I finally got to it, I decided that I would do the best I could with it and when I had finished, I decided that he was still every bit as ugly after I painted him, as he was before. When everyone saw that I had painted him, they laughed about how ugly he still was but they decided that he deserved a place on the tree.

From that year on, he was given a special place on the Erwin family Christmas tree, in the very back, on the very bottom branches where no one could see him. Even after I was grown and would bring my own family back home for Christmas, I would look for the ugly chicken, and there he would be, hanging on the very bottom branches, in the back of the tree.

In June of 2001, Mother passed away after a long and arduous battle with breast cancer, and my dad decided to sell the house that had been our family home since 1967. My mother loved holidays and Christmas was her favorite of all, and as a result, there was an abundance of Christmas decorations -garlands, wreaths, stockings, ceramic angels, Santas, elves, and tree ornaments that had been collected and saved from my brother, sister and my early childhoods. Dad went through each box of Christmas decorations and divided them up, giving some to my brother and sister, as well as to me, and when I opened the box that contained my share of the decorations, I found that among the many ornaments, I had been given my mother's treasured Hallmark rocking horse collection, the little wooden angels that I brought back from my European travels, and several of the ceramic ornaments that I had painted as a teenager, including the ugly chicken.

So now the tradition continues: The ugly chicken has had his special place on Steph's and my tree since Christmas of 2001, in the very back, bottom branches. And every Christmas as we unpack the ornaments, my kids ask me if we still have the ugly chicken. Two Christmases ago, when Lauren was in France as an exchange student, I was talking to her on Skype and telling her that we had put up the Christmas tree, and she asked if we had hung the ugly chicken. She was obviously comforted by the fact that though she was far away from her family, the family traditions remained firm, and that when she returned home by the next Christmas, she would find that the ugly chicken still had his humble but honored spot on the family Christmas tree.

The first book signings and a sense of accomplishment

2009-12-12T10:00:00.003-06:00

Thursday afternoon, while I was at work, I received a very excited email from Steph, announcing that the first big shipment of So Faithful a Heart that was ordered in a group order had arrived! When I announced it at work, one of my co-workers exclaimed, "Ooooooh! Go home and get them!" Since our little house is only blocks from where I work, I did as she suggested and picked up the books that had been ordered by several of my co-workers and took them back to the office. There I signed them and passed them out to those who had purchased one. Then on Thursday evening, I sat down after dinner and signed the remaining copies.

Last Sunday evening we had our dear friend, Dr. Allen Scott (who was the chair of my graduate committee when I was in graduate school several years back and has since become one of our dearest friends and is like family to us), over for dinner. It was Allen, who when he saw my passion for the subject, suggested that I do my graduate thesis on Nancy Storace and her relationship with Mozart. If it hadn't have been for Allen's insight and observations so many years ago, this book probably would never have happened. When I handed him a copy of the book, he beamed with pride for his former student, and asked, "So how did it feel when you held it in your hands for the first time?" I told him that it was indescribable. "There's a sense of personal accomplishment that I've never sensed over anything else in my entire life!" He just smiled, and said that he was really proud of me.

First Christmas in our little cottage

2009-12-06T08:53:00.000-06:00

We have a real tree this year!

By the front entry.

Bookcase in the corner.

Bowl of goodies!

Holiday coffee table.

In the kitchen.

Love is not love unless it is unconditional

2009-11-29T13:39:00.000-06:00

I've discovered, in the last several years, that the reason we come into life is to learn lessons, and that every one of life's lessons is about relationships to myself and others, or put simply, about love.

I learned very early in this life that a lot of what we human beings label as love is either very co-dependent or conditional, and that we have mirrored that kind of love in our religions and beliefs about God. Christianity (along with most religions), teaches us that God's love is very conditional: We must bring just the right sacrifice into the temple or he'll not only reject our sacrifice, but us too. And if we keep messing up and don't get it right, we get cast into the outer darkness while God and his teacher's pets (the ones who gave the right answer to the question "Do you know Jesus as your personal savior?"), get to have a party in heaven.

Ah! I get it! So love is about pleasing! (The light bulb moment.) I get it - I go to God with a contrite heart and confess to him what a dirty, filthy, worm I am and that I don't deserve to be loved and then I ask Jesus into my heart and get covered up in Jesus' blood so that I can deserve God's love and now God doesn't know it's me but he's really looking at Jesus and...wait a minute. If I get covered up in Jesus' blood and God only sees Jesus, then he's not really loving me, is he? And since Jesus is God, then really God is only loving a reflection of himself. Then God must be a narcissist.

And this is the model that we use as the primary measurement for love in Western society. Little wonder we're so fucked up. This is the reason why parents can't love their children without placing unfair and unrealistic expectations upon them. (Do it my way or risk my disappointment. Marry the right person or risk my disappointment. Choose the profession that I want for you or risk my disappointment. Don't make mistakes, get divorced, lose your job, be gay, or in any way disgrace this family or risk my rejection.) This is the reason children grow up feeling like they're total fuck-ups and can't do anything to please their parents or gain their love and approval. This is the reason we pass that hurt, anger, and disappointment into our own relationships with our friends, neighbors, spouses, children, and throughout the entire world. It is this model of love (which is really not love at all), that is the cause of all war, hunger, and greed, for it is rooted in fear - fear of not getting our needs met, fear of being unrecognized, and ultimately the fear of being cast into the outer darkness or the fear of rejection.

At the tender age of thirty-nine I decided that I'd had about all of this kind of love I could take and I set out on a different journey. I set out to find real love. It took me about three years of intense deprogramming, and consistently receiving a lavish dose of real, unconditional, love on a daily basis before I began to realize that what I had always thought was, and experienced as love, wasn't love at all, but was a sick, fearful, narcissistic kind of love that was only using me to get its own needs fulfilled. And once I tasted real love, I could never go back to the cheap, conditional, imitation stuff. And when the threats of rejection from my family and friends came along (because I was no longer playing by their rules), it made it so much easier for me to turn to them and say, "Sorry guys, I really do love you, but I've found something much better. I no longer need what you have to offer," and I turned and walked away.

For nearly ten years, now, I have known and experienced real love. I'm not saying that it has always made my life easier. In fact, in many ways it has made my life more challenging, for to accept and live real love, one must completely ignore what the rest of the world not only offers but most often imposes as love. And I find that I must often remind myself, in moments of weakness, that what they're trying to impose on me is not real but a cheap imitation (like imitation cheese - yuk!). It's worth it, though, because in knowing real love I have cast out the fear of rejection and because I no longer know fear, I am no longer enslaved to others' expectations and I am free - free to love them in a way that they never knew how to love me...unconditionally.

Living beyond fear

2009-11-24T21:45:00.000-06:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness,

That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I

To be brilliant, gorgeous,

Talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people

Won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest

The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our light shine,

We unconsciously give other people

Permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

by Marianne Williamson

On living in the past

2009-11-22T11:51:00.000-06:00

History is a relentless master. It has no present, only the past rushing into the future. To try to hold fast is to be swept aside. -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

I can't believe it's real!

2009-11-18T10:41:00.000-06:00

So my copy of my first novel, So Faithful a Heart, arrived in the mail yesterday afternoon. (And yes, I'm still pinching myself!) When I opened the box and held it in my hands for the first time, I almost cried. I really did it! I really wrote and published a book! There were a few small issues with it (miscalculation on the spine so the wording was off-center and the font on the chapter heading in chapter seven didn't imbed for some reason), but those issues have been corrected so anyone who orders a copy at this point won't see them.

This novel was inspired by my master's research thesis on the life and career of Mozart's original Susanna in Le Nozze di Figaro (The Marriage of Figaro), Anna "Nancy" Storace. After I wrote my thesis, I realized that this story was so interesting, so exciting, and so beautiful that I couldn't believe that no one had told it. It took me nine additional years of background research on the lives of Mozart and Nancy as well as 18th century Europe, 18th century England and Catholic Europe, the French Revolution, and anything else on the 18th century I could find and read. Finally, on a cold day last January I decided to quit putting it off and I just started writing. I never dreamed that less than a year later I would be holding it as a book in my hands.

Last night I told Steph that I've finally rescued Nancy Storace out of the cobwebs of Mozart history, vindicated her, and given her the rightful place that I feel she deserves in the Mozart story. She had gotten lost, and it was shame because her/their story is incredible and adds an important perspective to Mozart's life that authors and historians have missed througout the last two centuries. (I have my theories as to why they were missed, and I explore that in the Afterword in my book.)

So many thanks go to so many people for this, but none so much as go to my beloved Steph, who without her novel, Night Music, and without her knowledge and expertise in so many areas, as well as her assistance in so many of the technical aspects of this project, this book would never have happened. I kept telling her that her name deserved to be on the cover of this every bit as much as mine, but she refused to accept that place, giving it to me alone. But that's how she is, and is only one of the many reasons why I love her so much.

And so here I am. I've accomplished something that only a few can say that they've accomplished: I'm an author!

A soldier's dog cries when he returns home

2009-11-15T11:48:00.000-06:00

Call me an old sap, but this made me cry. Let's end these wars now and bring these people home to the folks (and dogs), who love them!

So Faithful a Heart: The Love Story of Nancy Storace and Wolfgang Mozart on Lulu.com

2009-11-08T18:33:00.000-06:00

The day has arrived! I have published my novel and it is ready for purchase on Lulu.com! Go to THIS LINK to purchase your copy!

Here is an excerpt:

It was only a short walk from the Trattnerhof to the Burgtheater, just a few yards to the square, and across to the Hofburg. They arrived at the stage door, where the guard recognized them and allowed them passage within.
     The backstage area was dimly lit by some sputtering candles in sconces on the walls. Nancy's dressing room was only a few short feet down a narrow corridor, so she asked Mozart to wait for her while she went to retrieve the score. She took a candle from out of a small wooden box lying by the backstage entrance and lit it off of one of the wall sconces.
     Mozart loved the look and smells of the theater backstage. The aroma of dusty velvet mixed with sawdust, human sweat and stage make-up captivated his innate sensuality, and the thick, red velvet curtains reminded him of the draperies that hung in the bordellos he'd visited once or twice. Perhaps it was also because of the many clandestine encounters he had witnessed between so many actors and actresses, backed up against the walls or hiding behind heavy, velvet curtains, unashamedly indulging their heated passions between acts. Whatever the reason, being backstage always aroused him, especially when he was in the company of a beautiful woman.
     In only a few minutes Nancy made her way back up to the corridor to where Mozart stood waiting. Her hair was piled loosely on the top of her head with curls cascading partially down her back and little wisps softly framing her heart-shaped face. Her golden skin reflected the dim candlelight, giving her a soft, almost iridescent glow.
     "She looks good enough to eat!" he thought. He still couldn't separate his thoughts from their earlier conversation, and despite his claims that he was concerned mostly for her safety, he couldn't escape the vivid pictures in his imagination of the wedding night, and what would take place between Fisher and Nancy in the sanctity and privacy of the bedchamber. The thought of Fisher touching her was almost more than he could bear.
     "Is there nothing you can do to prevent this marriage?" He hesitated a moment and looked around nervously before he spoke again. "I can't stand the idea of Fisher's hands on you," he exclaimed.
     Nancy was taken aback by his sudden outburst. She stepped back slightly and peered into his eyes. They pierced into her, and she was mesmerized....

Blog Neglect

2009-11-04T06:57:00.000-06:00

Yes I admit it. I'm suffering from blog neglect, but not without good reason, for I am now in the final throes of publishing my novel, So Faithful a Heart: The Love Story of Nancy Storace & Wolfgang Mozart and I am looking at a publishing date by the end of the week and a release date in a week or so afterward. So please bear with me as I get this project finished up. I should be back in full swing in a few weeks!

The "First Family" Obama Family Portrait

2009-10-23T10:47:00.000-05:00

The official White House portrait of the Obama family by Annie Leibovitz was released today. What a lovely family!

"So Faithful a Heart": the reviews are coming in!

2009-10-22T20:30:00.002-05:00

So Faithful a Heart: The Love Story of Nancy Storace and Wolfgang Mozart by K. Lynette Erwin skillfully draws the reader into the often mysterious and romanticized world of 18th century composer, Wolfgang Amadé Mozart, and his operatic leading lady, Anna Storace. The story is told mostly from the point of view of Storace, called Nancy by her family and friends, as she works as an opera singer and actress under contract with Emperor Joseph II. She is drawn into an intense, and sometimes tumultuous, affair with the married composer that leads to scandal, heartbreak and hope and explores how far soul mates are willing to go for one another.

Erwin's masterful grasp on not only the lives and personalities of her characters but the atmosphere and intricacies of 18th century Vienna immerses the reader in a world that engages and pulls at the heartstrings. Her ability to write a defined historical piece and still inject modern relevance into the characters and plot is sure to reach a wider audience than the average historical romance novel. The romance is realistic, as is the world of 18th century music and theater, and readers will easily find themselves rooting for Mozart and Storace to find peace and happiness against all the odds. Erwin manages to humanize the Herculean legend of Mozart and displays his flaws, humor, passion and genius with the vulnerability of a man struggling to cope with the mistakes in his life. Storace is a likable heroine with a healthy balance of fire and the demure expectations of women in her time. They make an unstoppable pair.

Music and theater enthusiasts, history enthusiasts, romance readers, and Mozart and Storace fans will all greatly enjoy So Faithful a Heart. –J. Jewett, author, Unveiled

A Meeeooow Moment

2009-10-17T11:54:00.001-05:00

To really understand where I'm coming from, you have to understand how Mozart "fans" can be. I'm not talking about the real Mozart musicians, lovers, or historians--I'm talking about Mozart FANS. You see, Mozart fans are among the craziest, most fanatical kinds of fans out there and if you deviate from the person who they believe Mozart was, (most generally the Mozart that his widow, Constanze, and her second husband, Georg Nissen, created) then you're some kind of an evil person who robs children of their innocence and you must be censored and even more, wiped off the face of the planet.

SOOOO...

All of that was to introduce you to my little French stalker, a woman who fancies herself a Mozart historian and an expert on Nancy Storace. She has said for years that she is writing a book about Nancy, but I've yet to hear any news of it. (The poor dear got married several years back and it seems to have killed her ambitions.) She has hated me for going on 10 years now, for what reasons, I really don't know. Anyway, since I announced back in January that I was writing a novel based on the love story of Nancy and Mozart, she has been literally crawling my blogs trying to get any information that she can. In April, when I created a blog where I post the chapters of the novel once a week and invite certain people to read and offer their critique, etc. (it's invitation only and it is not cached, so googlebots can't scan it) she has tried several times to get in through back doors, only to find that there are no back doors. A couple of weeks ago as I skimmed through my site meters, I noticed that it had been a while since she had checked anything out, but now that I've announced that I'm publishing So Faithful a Heart in the next few weeks through Lulu.com, she has been back again.

To my dear little French friend: I'm glad that you're so excited to read my book! But unfortunately you will have to wait until it's released and you can purchase a copy for yourself. And if you'll send me your copy, sweetie, I'll be most happy to autograph it for you! Meeeeeeoooooooowwww!

Getting into the spirit!

2009-10-16T07:10:00.008-05:00

This weekend is homecoming weekend in my hometown, so I'm getting into the spirit of OSU, the university from where I obtained my graduate degree. GO POKES! BEAT MISSOURI!

Growing up in Stillwater, I never really appreciated the uniqueness of my hometown until I became an adult and lived in several other places all over the country. It wasn't until I moved back here in 2000 that I realized what a great place, Stillwater was/is. I remember this time of year and how OSU homecoming always fell in October, just before Halloween, the walk-around on fraternity row, Theta Pond all lit up, marching in the Homecoming parade with the Stillwater High School marching band, (always right behind the OSU Marching band!), and the sound of the OSU marching band practicing on the lawn near the Seretean Center. Now I live only blocks from the Seretean Center and on a clear morning I can hear the OSU drum line on Saturday mornings as they practice and the ringing of the library clock tower every fifteen minutes. These familiar sights and sounds are appreciated now so much more than they were when I was child. It's funny how we seem to come back around to the place where we began.

It's getting close!

2009-10-15T14:21:00.000-05:00

My book is with the editor as I write this. She contacted me last week and said that she was going to give it a second read and finish her corrections and suggestions and then send it back to me to make my final edits and rewrites. Steph is in the process of building the marketing website and will be writing the Foreword, (I wrote the Afterword last week). I have lined up a couple of fellow writers, (and possibly a third), to read the book and write some reviews which will be posted on the marketing website. After that is all accomplished, it will be sent to Lulu to be formatted and the cover added, and then will most likely be available for release sometime in mid November. I was really hoping for an October 27th release date, which would have been Nancy Storace's 244th birthday, but that isn't within the realms of possibility at this point.

I'll keep everyone posted on the exact release date and the opening of the website. Thanks to all who have been so supportive and encouraging during this process. You don't know what it means to me!

Don't wake me until noon

2009-10-14T00:01:00.000-05:00

I had a completely lovely time at the Willow Manor Ball last night, and I danced until dawn with Herr Mozart (and several other tasty morsels). The room was filled with music, laughter, and revelry. But now my coach has turned into a pumpkin, my glass slippers have a broken heel, and my handsome prince is in his cups, so I am off to bed to dream of next year...

The Willow Manner Ball

2009-10-13T00:01:00.005-05:00

Today is the day that I will be escorted by Herr Mozart to the 2nd Annual Willow Manner Ball. I shall begin the day with a lovely breakfast of Belgian waffles with blueberries and whipped cream, a thick ham steak, and a cup of Earl Grey tea with sugar and cream. Then I shall take a long luxurious lavender scented bath and afterward, my maids will begin to dress me for the ball. I shall be wearing the following:

First my hair must be pinned and capped, before my wig can be put on.

These are lovely necklace and ear bobs that I shall wear.

Then, of course, my gown.

Of course, a lady never leaves the house without her fan.

And I found the most lovely pair of shoes! Aren't they simply elegant?

I can hardly wait!

What to wear? What to wear?

2009-10-06T10:35:00.000-05:00

I have been invited to attend The 2nd Annual Willow Manner Ball, and once again, I shall be escorted by the ever-charming and delightful Wolfgang A. Mozart. Last year I wore a lovely 18th century gown made of raw, polished silk in butter yellow.

This year I am having a difficult time making up my mind what I should wear and I need your help. The following are the choices. Help me decide!

Mahatma Ghandi: October 2nd, 1869

2009-10-02T09:05:00.001-05:00

Gentleness, self-sacrifice and generosity are the exclusive possession of no one race or religion.

The Book Cover

2009-09-30T09:52:00.001-05:00

Steph made a couple of mock-ups for the cover of my novel last night and this is the one I've chosen. It's really happening! I'm about to become an author!

Click on the image to enlarge.

It's getting down to the wire!

2009-09-28T07:39:00.000-05:00

Several months ago I invited Steph to collaborate with me on my novel--to add some of her research, expertise, and knowledge into the mix and thus we began to work on the project together. Now I'm happy to announce that this weekend I finished it and will, in the next few weeks, be in the midst of the final edits, a final reading, and then I'll be self-publishing it with the on-demand publishing company, Lulu.com, under the title of So Faithful a Heart: The love story of Wolfgang Mozart and Nancy Storace.

I have a wonderful sense of accomplishment today.

At last, my love has come along.

2009-09-24T08:21:00.000-05:00

I don't have the words to express what I'm feeling today. You have changed the meaning of love for me, and from this point on, I will never look at love the same. You are my heart, my soul, my very life.

Happy Birthday, my love.

Today she's 21

2009-09-21T07:27:00.000-05:00

Where did all the time go? Yesterday she was my little girl, giggling and laughing with her friends, coming up to our room and laying on the bed while I held her in my arms and stroked her hair. Then she left for France and stayed a long time. When she came back she had changed--transformed from a giggling teenager into a young woman. Now, with a year of college behind her she has long left the little girl behind and I see standing before me the woman that I envisioned she would become.

How I love you, Lauren. Happy Birthday.

Love letters buried in a box

2009-09-19T07:42:00.001-05:00

As I was going through a packet of emails from Steph that I had printed from ten years ago, I found the most incredible, most beautiful love letter that I had completely forgotten about. When I read it, tears poured from my eyes, for it was like reading it for the first time. I relived the joy and excitement of our new love all over again, and marveled at how our love for one another has only grown since then. The letter is far too intimate for me to share all of it but I want to share just one paragraph that especially touched me.

I could lay all sorts of bon mots at your delicious feet. I could promise you to climb the highest mountain, or swim the deepest sea, but really, what merit is there in vows that will never be called upon? No. I vow to you my undying love for all eternity, whatever that is. I vow that whatever happens in this universe, I shall always find you and love you. You will never be alone. And while we are here, I shall always treat you with the respect and love you so singularly deserve. Whomever else may have my body, you will own my heart.

Amor De Mi Alma: You Are the Love of My Soul

2009-09-14T22:33:00.005-05:00

Yo no naci sino para quereros;

Mi alma os ha cortado a su dedida;

Por hábito del alma misma os quiero.

Escrito está en mi alma vuestro gesto;

Yo lo leo tan solo que aun de vos

Me guardo enesto.

Quanto tengo confiesso yo deveros;

Por vos naci, por vos tengo la vida,

Y por vos é de morir y por vos muero.

I was born to love only you;

My soul has formed you to its measure;

I want you as a garment for my soul.

Your very image is written on my soul;

Such indescribable intimacy

I hide even from you.

All that I have, I owe to you;

For you I was born, for you I live,

For you I must die, and for you

I give my last breath.

~ Garcilaso de la Vega (1503-1536)

Here is this lovely poem set to music by OSU's own new Director of Choral Activities, Z. Randall Stroope.

If I could be anywhere, doing anything...

2009-09-12T10:11:00.000-05:00

...this is what I'd be doing.

Love thy neighbor

2009-09-11T09:08:00.001-05:00

In the last several weeks I have joined the millions of other Americans working with President Obama in the effort to reform our broken health care system, and in the midst of the debate I am amazed and appalled by the lack of compassion exhibited by so many Americans for the plight of others, their friends and neighbors who lack health insurance, have insufficient health insurance, and those who don't have access to even the most basic health care because of a lack of insurance and/or the means to pay for it. How could we have allowed this to happen in this great nation? And why are so many so reluctant to do anything about it?

I found the following quote from a poster on YouTube last night and it pretty well sums up my feelings on this issue.

Incredible, absolutely incredible. How can America ever be great again when it's people are so ready to let their fellow citizens perish? If this is derailed under the auspices of cost, the U.S. as a world power is toast. The U.S. dollars that so many of you are so greedily clenching to your chests will be about as good as toilet paper once the inflation from dealing with the economic effects of an unhealthy, uneducated populace really starts to set in. Human rights aren't negotiable.

Settling in to our new home

2009-08-26T09:23:00.008-05:00

It has been over a month since I last posted on my blog. I really haven't fallen off the face of the planet, but there are times in the last several weeks that I felt that perhaps I had. We are slowly but surely settling in to our new home--a few issues still to work out. The master bath toilet still doesn't work right, (despite its being "fixed"), we're having a bug problem that is taking our most concentrated efforts to overcome, and Steph has taken on the job of cleaning all the storm windows, which is a large undertaking. Here are a few pictures of how the house is shaping up. We're pretty pleased.

Dining and living areas.

Dining room from living room.

After I trimmed the hedges.

Front porch.

20 Things I Would Love to Say

2009-07-24T10:29:00.003-05:00

The most recent meme to resurface is the “20 Things I Would Love To Say” meme. You make a list of things you wish you could say to someone, but you don’t name names. The readers then either join in with their own lists of anonymous statements, or spend the rest of their day trying to figure out who the blogger was referring to, wondering if it was them. Passive-aggression at its worst, no? This can be fun, but it also carries the potential of turning really snarky and mean-spirited. I’ve decided to play along, with the disclaimer that if you’re reading this, I might very well be talking about you. (Thanks Steph!)

1. We're my favorite "us".

2. I know you lurk on my blogs thinking that I don't know you're reading them. I just want you to know that despite the fact that I think that you need to grow up and stop acting like such a brat, I really love and admire you. I always have, and I always will.

3. Your ability to look inside yourself and clean out the old stuff that was holding you back from reaching your potential has been such an inspiration to me! Your steadfast friendship, even when faced with rejection, means more to me than you can ever know. Thank you. (And keep on playing that recorder! I think you've found your niche!)

4. Finding you again, after so many years, has been a joy. Please know that you are always loved. (And purple has always suited you perfectly.)

5. Even when we don't speak to one another for several days or even weeks, I always know you're there. You've always been by my side to offer encouragement, love, and even a shoulder to cry on when I needed it. You've loved and cared for me, even when you didn't understand. Your gentle, humble, spirit has always been a comfort and inspiration to me, even when we were children. I have always loved you, and I always will.

6. Who would have thought that after over twenty-five years, that you would emerge to become one of the most important and dearest people in my life? I so love our Saturday/Sunday morning Facebook chats and I can't WAIT until we get there and can hug you in person! (And I think your girl is THE BOMB!)

7. You have your place in my life. Yes, there were some good times, and I will always remember them fondly, but I really don't want to be friends. Friendship with you carries too many expectations and a lot of old baggage. I'm no longer the person you knew, and I don't want to go back there again. I hope you find happiness in your life. I really do.

8. I love your blog. I love the subjects you choose to write about. I like the music you like and I love all your "favorite things". And Libras are totally COOL!

9. I wish we could have known each other better when we were in high school. I always admired you, and the oboe has always been one of my favorite instruments.

10. I hope that one day you will come back to the blogosphere. I understand how emotionally draining a divorce is, but we miss you.

11. I have a really hard time understanding disloyalty. What did I ever do to you to deserve such a stab in the back?

12. I hope to visit you in Scotland one day, very soon. (I love your taste in music, BTW!)

13. One day you will come to understand that your self worth doesn't reside in fame nor in brushing up against fame. Your worth comes from deep inside you, from the person you are and will become. You are valuable because you bring a unique perspective into this mix we refer to as "humanity". Know and be secure in that.

14. Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?

15. I hope that one day you will realize how many friends you have, and just how much they love you.

16. What would I do without you? Just don't be surprised when you wake up one morning and find that little yellow slug bug sitting in your driveway.

17. Condoms in an empty Marlboro box???

18. I'll always be grateful to you for coming to my defense in the forum. Hopefully it won't be long before we meet again in Salzburg!

19. I feel a trip to Disneyland is in order.

20. I always knew you'd find that little boy again!

The Eight of Cups: Severing links with the past

2009-07-22T09:57:00.005-05:00

A turning point, a severing of links with the past, which have become outdated. A turning away from established relationships and objects of affection, to facilitate progress to newer and deeper things.

Although I know that the changes that are going on in my life right now are only clearing the way for newer and better things, I can't help but feel some saddness for what I leave behind. Along with this move, my last "chick" is leaving the nest. Last night, as Heather and I sat on her bed and watched America's Got Talent together, I began to tear up at the reality of my soon-to-be empty nest. I didn't think I would go through empty nest syndrome like this, but I think that with the upheaval of the move and the financial stress it is bringing, along with the fact that I'm right in the big fat middle of menopause, it's all a bit overwhelming right now.

I'm entering a new phase of life, now. It's hard not to look back and grieve over what may have been wasted or lost, but at the same time, I know that regret only keeps me from seeing the opportunities that are before me. So, as in the picture on the eight of cups, I turn away from the past, and begin my journey into the future, which I know to be full of tremendous promise.

When it no longer matters

2009-07-17T09:08:00.004-05:00

Nine years ago, Steph got me for my 40th birthday, a 1 ounce bottle of Chanel no. 5 in the classic, square, crystal bottle. It was a very meaningful and lovely gift and I have nursed that bottle of purfume along all these nine years until I am now down to a fraction of a fraction, perhaps only about a week's worth, left. A couple of years ago, I vowed that once I got down to the last of it, and used it all up, that we would be wealthy enough to comfortably replace it without having to go without a week-and-a-half worth of groceries in order to do so. I've made a ritual out of repeating this vow each time I pull the crystal stopper out of the bottle and brush it across my wrists, forearms, and behind my ears. However, when I sat down this morning to perform the ritual, it suddenly flashed through my mind that although I have enjoyed this extravagant little luxury all these years, I no longer have the need to replace it. I realized that after nine years, and so many ups and downs, joys and sorrows, that the giver of the gift was still here with me, and her love and devotion for me, as well as mine for her, has only increased, as the perfume in the bottle has decreased. I suddenly realized that it no longer mattered if the perfume could be replaced, because what it represents is priceless, can never be replaced, and will never be used up.

A long list of to-do's

2009-07-12T08:53:00.006-05:00

Last week we signed the lease on our new house and this week we've gotten into it to find that there is much work to be done before it is move-in ready. Steph started Friday evening with the pulling of nails and spackling, prepping the walls for new paint. The spackling is nearly finished, but we still have a long list of "to-dos" before we start painting. Yesterday I went through and inventoried everything that was wrong with the place. Our landlord gave us a paper with 10 spaces on it to list everything that was wrong. I filled out all ten lines and added two more. Everything from the place not being cleaned at all, to mold on the windowsills and screens, to doors that are off their hinges and/or won't latch, to badly stained toilets and tubs, and a garbage disposal that isn't operating. We're going to fix all the things that we can fix and do all the necessary cleaning, but then we're going to hand them the list and tell them that in light of the fact that we've done all the cleaning and fixing of the place, (with the exception of the garbage disposal), we don't feel that we should have to pay a cleaning deposit. The only thing left that I wish we could do is pull up that dark green carpeting and reveal the wood floors. I know they would probably require extensive restoration. Ah, well! Perhaps soon we'll be in the position to buy the house and we'll be able to do it then.

We'll be back at it again today!

Our little cottage

2009-07-06T20:34:00.007-05:00

We'll be moving on August 1st and we just found out today that we got the house that we wanted! It's DARLING! Here are a few pictures of the outside that we just took this evening.

Western exposure from across the street.

Ivy growing up the porch!

Southern exposure, with large garage in back.

Another view of the front porch.

We hold these truths to be self-evident....

2009-07-04T09:51:00.002-05:00

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. ~ The Declaration of Independence, Congress, July 4th, 1776

Operation Clean Sweep

2009-06-23T09:28:00.004-05:00

Over the last several weeks I have been confronted with some attitudes, beliefs, and ideas that have crept into my life over the years that I realize have not been serving me well and need to be swept from my life before I can be open and receptive to the wonderful things that the universe has waiting for me. As I've been meditating they're being revealed to me one by one, so that I may confront them and clean them from my life.

1. Unworthiness - I've been taught to believe through religion, society, and the system that unless I play by their rules and believe the "right" things, do the "right" things, and live my life according to their dictates, dogmas, and doctrines that I am unworthy of prosperity and success. That is a lie from the pits of hell, and I will no longer buy into it.

2. Fear - As Steph has so beautifully put it: The opposite of love is not hate, it is fear. Am I operating out of love or fear? Today, and every day I will choose to operate out of love.

3. Naivete - Deficient in worldly wisdom or informed judgment. I was raised in a rather mysogenistic environment under the idea that women were to be protected and sheltered from the world by their husbands. After I was divorced I wasn't prepared to meet the world around me and live in it on my own, therefore I have been rather naieve about life and the difficulties that it can and does present. I am a kind and loving spirit, and I have operated under the illusion that everyone else is the same. I've had to learn the hard way that this simply isn't so, that there are people around every corner who will pretend to be your friend and then turn around and stab you in the back. I must remain as innocent as a dove and sly as a fox.

4. Greed - This one was really a hard one for me, for I don't want to admit that I have slipped into its icy grip. But here I am. It's really easy to do in our society. You're told by the media and everyone around you that you're just not worthy or successful if you can't keep up with the latest trends in fashion, technology, homes, cars, etc. Living with financial struggle for the last ten years has taught me some valuable lessons about what is necessary and what is not. I have learned that the love of famiy and friends far exceeds anything else to which I could aspire, and that all the "toys" that are deemed necessary simply are not. I will learn to be frugal, yet generous, and I will display gratitude for everything that I have been given.

There are probably others, but these four seem to be the ones that have risen to the top and for now, are the ones that need my most immediate attention. So here I am with a broom and a dustpan ready to clean them out, so that my channels will be open and receptive for all the wonderful bounty that the universe has in store for me!

To the people of Iran

2009-06-15T21:15:00.003-05:00

We hold you in our hearts as you cry out for freedom!

Plates: A family heritage

2009-06-13T10:40:00.008-05:00

I first saw this over on Derrick's blog who got it from Willow, and I thought is would be fun. So here are my offerings! My plates are a reflection of Steph's and my combined family heritage. We both love to collect dishes and we have several sets, not all complete. We love to mix and match them, and on special occasions you will never see the same place setting twice. We hope to collect more in the future, as we are able to travel to different places around the world.

The dishes that my great grandmother used in her restaurant in Washington, Oklahoma.

Plates that belonged to Steph's mother. The bowl on the far left was Steph's mom's baby bowl.

The Lenox bone china that my father gave to my mother for their 25th wedding anniversary. It was passed to me when mother died in June of 2001.

The first dishes that Steph and I bought together. The blue pottery was purchased in an outlet store in Denver, Colorado, and the little floral plates were purchased in a boutique in Boulder, Colorado.

This pasta plate and tureen look like they came right out of Tuscany, but were actually purchased at a Hobby Lobby right here in Stillwater. (The champagne flutes to the right were our wedding flutes.)

A case for reincarnation

2009-06-11T09:27:00.004-05:00

Nearly six decades ago, a 21-year-old Navy fighter pilot on a mission over the Pacific was shot down by Japanese artillery. His name might have been forgotten, were it not for 6-year-old James Leininger.

Quite a few people — including those who knew the fighter pilot — think James is the pilot, reincarnated. James' parents, Andrea and Bruce, a highly educated, modern couple, say they are "probably the people least likely to have a scenario like this pop up in their lives." But over time, they have become convinced their little son has had a former life.

From an early age, James would play with nothing else but planes, his parents say. But when he was 2, they said the planes their son loved began to give him regular nightmares. "I'd wake him up and he'd be screaming," Andrea told ABCNEWS' Chris Cuomo. She said when she asked her son what he was dreaming about, he would say, "Airplane crash on fire, little man can't get out."

Source: Reverse Spins, Proof of Reincarnation

Update on the novel

2009-06-09T10:32:00.003-05:00

I haven't made any entries about my book on my blog lately, not because I haven't been working on it, but because it has undergone some transitions over the past several weeks and I wasn't ready to disclose what was going on with it.

Last month I asked Steph to join in as a co-author, seeing as a great deal of the story and research for it can be attributed to her work for her own novel, Night Music, which is the story of Mozart as told by the composer "himself" in memoir fashion. At present, Steph is going through what I have already written and is editing, adding, cutting, and re-working and as each chapter is finished, it is being posted on a private blog, (by invitation only), for selected readers to read and comment on. Thus far we've received some excellent comments. People are responding well to the story, which those familiar with the Mozart story will recognize, but from an entirely different angle and perspective,adding of course, Nancy's story into the mix, with which few will be familiar. This book isn't really about Mozart or Nancy, but their love story. The love story is the central character.

We're excited about it because it's a fresh take on what can often be viewed as a worn-out story with nothing new to offer. Never underestimate the power of a love story!

In memory of their sacrifice, the 65th anniversary of D-day

2009-06-06T08:35:00.004-05:00

On D-Day, June 6, 1944, Allied troops departed England on planes and ships, made the trip across the English Channel and attacked the beaches of Normandy in an attempt to break through Hitler’s “Atlantic Wall” and break his grip on Europe. Some 215,000 Allied soldiers, and roughly as many Germans, were killed or wounded during D-Day and the ensuing nearly three months it took to secure the Allied capture of Normandy.

President Obama Declares June LGBT Pride Month

2009-06-02T15:40:00.003-05:00

I don't usually get political on this blog, but since this issue so profoundly affects me, I couldn't help myself. I am so very pleased and proud that we finally have a president who is sensitive to the needs and rights of LGBT persons in this country!

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION

Forty years ago, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City resisted police harassment that had become all too common for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Out of this resistance, the LGBT rights movement in America was born. During LGBT Pride Month, we commemorate the events of June 1969 and commit to achieving equal justice under law for LGBT Americans.

LGBT Americans have made, and continue to make, great and lasting contributions that continue to strengthen the fabric of American society. There are many well-respected LGBT leaders in all professional fields, including the arts and business communities. LGBT Americans also mobilized the Nation to respond to the domestic HIV/AIDS epidemic and have played a vital role in broadening this country's response to the HIV pandemic.

Due in no small part to the determination and dedication of the LGBT rights movement, more LGBT Americans are living their lives openly today than ever before. I am proud to be the first President to appoint openly LGBT candidates to Senate-confirmed positions in the first 100 days of an Administration. These individuals embody the best qualities we seek in public servants, and across my Administration -- in both the White House and the Federal agencies -- openly LGBT employees are doing their jobs with distinction and professionalism.

The LGBT rights movement has achieved great progress, but there is more work to be done. LGBT youth should feel safe to learn without the fear of harassment, and LGBT families and seniors should be allowed to live their lives with dignity and respect.

My Administration has partnered with the LGBT community to advance a wide range of initiatives. At the international level, I have joined efforts at the United Nations to decriminalize homosexuality around the world. Here at home, I continue to support measures to bring the full spectrum of equal rights to LGBT Americans. These measures include enhancing hate crimes laws, supporting civil unions and Federal rights for LGBT couples, outlawing discrimination in the workplace, ensuring adoption rights, and ending the existing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in a way that strengthens our Armed Forces and our national security. We must also commit ourselves to fighting the HIV/AIDS epidemic by both reducing the number of HIV infections and providing care and support services to people living with HIV/AIDS across the United States.

These issues affect not only the LGBT community, but also our entire Nation. As long as the promise of equality for all remains unfulfilled, all Americans are affected. If we can work together to advance the principles upon which our Nation was founded, every American will benefit. During LGBT Pride Month, I call upon the LGBT community, the Congress, and the American people to work together to promote equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

BARACK OBAMA

I fall in love again

2009-05-29T00:01:00.001-05:00

Spring in Oklahoma

2009-05-28T07:09:00.002-05:00

Spring Morning Along the Muddy Boggy
by Wilson Hurley

This Marriage

2009-05-24T09:57:00.003-05:00

This Marriage
by Jalal al-Din Rumi

May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk,
this marriage, like wine and halvah.
May this marriage offer fruit and shade
like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
our every day a day in paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.
May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,
an omen as welcomes the moon in a clear blue sky.
I am out of words to describe
how spirit mingles in this marriage.

My favorite Shakespeare Sonnet

2009-05-21T09:51:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was the 400th anniversary of the publication of Shakespeare's wonderful sonnets! Since I was a young girl, I have loved Shakespeare's sonnets and at one time I made it a habit of reading at least one a day. (I think that might be a great habit to get back into, come to think of it.) So in honor of the occasion, I have posted my favorite of Mr. Shakespeare's sonnets.

SONNET 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

In Memory of Grandma Goss: The aroma of percolating coffee

2009-05-13T22:21:00.004-05:00

I've never been much of a coffee drinker. I'm not particularly fond of it, and if I drink too much of it, it gives me a headache. However, I've always been rather partial to the aroma. I love to walk by coffee shops and/or cafes and take in the delicious aroma of all the various brews. I most especially like the smell of coffee when mingled with the aroma of eggs and bacon frying in a skillet. It always triggers something in me that leaves me feeling warm and content. One day I sat down and tried to figure out what it was about these aromas that were so appealing to me and it quickly came to me that they brought back some very pleasant childhood memories.

My maternal grandparents lived on a large farm near Bowden, a small rural community just between Tulsa and Sapulpa, Oklahoma. Their house was a large Victorian, built a few years before statehood, (that was in 1907). It was two storied with a creaky wooden stairway, a front parlor, a dining room, and kitchen in the back, with a squeaky wooden screen door that locked with a metal hook. It had a huge wrap-around porch with a gigantic oak tree in the front. Grandpa hung a tire swing from one of the branches for us to swing on. I'm not sure how many acres he had, but it was quite a lot. He had cattle & chickens, two large ponds that he kept stocked with catfish, a big wooden barn with cats, a huge vegetable garden laden with lettuce, tomatoes, squash, peas, green beans, carrots, sweet potatoes, and corn, fruit orchards with peaches and pears, red & green peppers of several varieties, blackberry & raspberry bushes, and a flower garden. There were streams and meadows, and lots of places to run and play. It was a childhood dreamland.

One of my fondest memories is waking up early in the mornings to the smells of bacon and eggs frying in Grandma's cast iron skillet, and freshly ground coffee perking in the percolator, (this was before automatic drip coffee makers). I would try to sneak down the creaky wooden stairs in my footie pajamas, down the hallway, through the dining room, past the huge gas stove, to the kitchen doorway. I'd hide for just a second and then I'd jump out, shouting, "BOO!". Grandma would always jump and pretend to be startled. "You SCARED me!", she would exclaim, although I knew she was kidding because there was no way that she couldn't have known I was coming, between the squeaky stairway and creaking floorboards.

Years later, the aromas of bacon frying and coffee brewing always bring these happy memories forward and I am reminded of how very blessed I was to have grown up with such experiences. As a child I didn't understand that it wasn't like this for every child, and that one day I would cherish these memories, and even long for those early mornings at Grandpa and Grandma's farm.

My father just called about an hour ago and informed me that Grandma passed away. She's home now, with Grandpa and Mother. I'm sure that both of them are happy to see her.

Somewhere out there

2009-05-11T06:50:00.002-05:00

I shudder to think what my life might have become had I not found you on this day, ten years ago. You are the love of my life, my very heart. Ich liebe dich, now and forever.

They made me a mom

2009-05-10T09:08:00.004-05:00

Lauren, September 21, 1988

Heather, July 25, 1990

Nathan, February 18, 1992

No mother could be more proud!

Eight is enough

2009-05-09T17:12:00.003-05:00

I keep getting these great memes from Steph and I'm afraid I've become addicted.

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Moving to a new house that won't cost us an arm and a leg--not being house poor any longer!
2. Having the finances to do other things besides pay the rent.
3. Losing more weight.
4. Selling the Mozartiana.
5. Getting our novel finished--and published.
6. Seeing Nathan on Monday.
7. Mother's Day dinner with my family.
8. Another day to write.

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Made a fun post on my other blog.
2. Fed the cat.
3. Got dressed.
4. Went to work.
5. Answered telephones.
6. Went to the gym with Heather.
7. Ate dinner.
8. Goofed around with Steph.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do Right Now:

1. Go get a pedicure.
2. Fly Airbus to Vienna.
3. Get together with some of my old friends.
4. Sing in a performance of Le Nozze di Figaro.
5. Spend the weekend with Steph in a 5-star hotel somewhere, anywhere.
6. Sit in a hot tub and drink Margaritas.
7. Take Steph to Boston to get married.
8. Fit into a size 8 again.

8 Shows I Watch on Telly:

1. The Rachel Maddow Show (MSNBC)
2. The OETA Movie Club (PBS)
3. Rick Steves' Europe (PBS)
4. Whose Line is it, Anyway? (ABC Family)
5. Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel Channel)
6. Top Chef (Bravo)
7. Project Runway (Bravo)
8. The Colbert Report (Comedy Central)

8 Life Lessons I Have Benefited From (or am TRYING to put into practice):

1. Love at first sight can happen.
2. Things (or people) are not always what they appear to be on the outside.
3. What's in the well will come up in the bucket.
4. Love really is all you need.
5. People are people no matter who or where.
6. Thoughts are things. What you dwell on, you will get.
7. Never say never.
8. Children will bring out the best and the worst in you.

Difining, Critical & Pivotal: The road less traveled

2009-05-04T13:04:00.004-05:00

I'm home today recovering from this intestinal flu, so I thought it might be interesting to do this meme that Steph created from a section of one of Dr. Phil's books. These are going to take some real thought!

10 Defining Moments:
In every person's life, there have been moments, both positive and negative, that have defined and redefined who you are. Those events entered your consciousness with such power that they changed the very core of who and what you thought you were. A part of you was changed by those events, and caused you to define yourself, to some degree by your experience of that event.

1. Growing up in a devoutly religious, evangelical Christian home - Although in many respects this was extremely positive for me, as it forced me to develop a keen spiritual awareness and a deep sense of morality as well as solid spiritual foundations, it had many negative affects upon my self-esteem, my life choices, and my sense of who I really was/am.

2. Discovering my musical talent as a child - From the time I was a small child I can't remember a day when I didn't love music, when it wasn't a part of my life and who I was. I have always believed that it was directly connected to my purpose in this life.

3. My first trip to Europe - When I graduated from high school, I went on a musical tour of Europe with a choir of young people from Oklahoma. We visited the Netherlands, Belgium, France, Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. It expanded my horizons and awakened me to the understanding that people are people no matter their language or customs, no matter what religion they do or don't follow, and no matter where they call home.

4. Going to College - This was another horizon-expanding time in my life when I learned that the world was a much larger and more complicated place than I had been taught to believe. I began to learn that life was not defined in simple black & white terms. I met people who had different life experiences and who challenged my narrow beliefs of what life was about. The most influential and defining course I took was Western Civilization in which I studied the history and literature of Europe from the Medieval period to the modern age. Studying the development of the Catholic Church, the Crusades, and the Reformation began my questioning of the Christian beliefs that I had been taught from infancy, and led to the eventual rejection of those beliefs years later. Education is the key to everything.

5. Studying and experiencing the music of Mozart - Some will probably laugh when they read this and some of my family members, (if they read this), will continue to worry that I have fallen off of the deep end, but from the time I was a small child, the music of Mozart has touched a place in me that I cannot even name. Every time that I have heard, studied, sung and/or experienced Mozart's music, something deep inside of me glows. As a young voice student, the music of Mozart spoke to me and there was a sense of familiarity about it that I couldn't explain. It has remained a constant force throughout my entire life.

6. Living in several different areas of the country - After I was married we moved to Louisville, KY where we lived for a few months before moving to Cincinnati, and then back again to Kentucky. After my husband graduated from seminary, we moved to Florida and lived on both coasts, for a period of time. My three children were born in St. Petersburg, Florida. Then we moved to Montana where we spent three years in the Billings area and Billings proper. Living in various parts of the country, again, expanded my horizons even further--meeting new people, gaining new cultural experiences, opening me up to new and different ideas and beliefs.

7. Being a mother - The experience of motherhood has been one of the most fulfilling, yet terrifying experiences of my life, but through it I have found in me a deep well of wisdom and a loving, caring, compassionate nurturing aspect of my personality that would otherwise not have been developed.

8. Getting a computer and being hooked up on the internet - Talk about your horizon expanding experiences! All of a sudden the entire world was open to me. I could talk to people all over the world! I could comb the web for more information about Mozart or any other subject that I wanted. I could travel the entire span of the globe in a matter of seconds, see pictures, watch videos, hear music that I'd never heard, go places I'd never been, hear languages spoken that I didn't even know existed. It was probably one of the single most important and defining events of my life.

9. Questioning the religious teachings of my youth - As my world expanded, so did my worldview and the old doctrines and dogmas no longer fit my vision and/or concept of my expanding universe and/or god. As painful as it was, I began to separate from the conservative Christian teachings with which I had been raised and in which I was nurtured for my entire life.

10. My divorce - For the first time in my life, I was free to make my own choices, to live my life as I saw fit, and free of the ties that held me back. I had lived my entire life for someone else. I made choices to please others. I said and did all the right things so that everyone else would be happy. Finally I did something for me, for my own personal well-being.

7 Critical Choices:
There are a surprisingly small number of choices that rise to the level of life-changing ones. Critical choices are those that have changed your life, positively or negatively, and are major factors in determining who and what you will become. They are the choices that have affected your life up to today, and have set you on a path.

1. Choosing to marry instead of pursuing a career in music - This choice defined the direction of my life for nearly twenty years and eventually brought me into such despair that after 18 years, I nearly committed suicide. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of my children coming home from school and finding me dead on the floor. I had come to a place in my life where I felt I was good for no one, but I believed that my children were better off with a broken mother than a dead one.

2. Marrying into the ministry - This is one of the choices I made to please others. I did this out of the desperate need for my parents' approval. They were so proud of my missionary brother but always criticized my desires to be a singer/actress as vain and ungodly. I thought if I became a minister's wife that they would be as proud of me as they were my brother.

3. The decision to go to graduate school - When my children were all old enough to be in school on a full time basis, I decided that I wanted to go back to school and get a master's degree in vocal performance and pedagogy. I ran up against the resistance of my husband and the church where he was pastor. It was the beginning of the end of our marriage.

4. Asking for a divorce - I was the one who wanted the divorce despite the fact that no one, not even my family supported me. I had no money, no lawyer, nothing to my name to speak of, but I was at the brink of such desperation that I would have done anything to get out of that marriage. I didn't care at that point where I went. I just wanted out.

5. Falling in love with and living in an open relationship with Steph - Some call this choice courageous, others rebellious, and yet others sinful, but it was one of the best choices of my entire life.

6. Gaining custody of my three children and raising them with my same-sex partner - Talk about a bold choice! A former Southern Baptist minister's wife moves back to her home town in Oklahoma with her lesbian partner and then gets custody of her three children and defiantly raises them in the same town where she grew up and where her parents were active and well-known members of the community! I don't know if that was stupidity or guts.

7. Choosing to be featured in Mozartballs thus coming out about my beliefs in reincarnation and about who I was in a past life - As if things weren't complicated enough by the fact that I left my husband for a woman, left my Christian beliefs altogether, but then I came out about my beliefs of who I was in a previous life. It's a choice I will never regret, however, for the making of the documentary turned out to be a vision quest, a spiritual journey the likes of which I will probably never experience again.

5 Pivotal People:
These are the people who have left indelible impressions on your concept of self, and therefore, the life you live. They may be family members, friends or co-workers, and their influences can be either positive or negative. They are people who can determine whether you live consistently with your authentic self, or instead live a counterfeit life controlled by a fictional self that has crowded out who you really are.

1. My parents - for good or for ill, they tried to mold me into the person they thought I should be.
2. Mary Beth Treat - my sixth grade teacher who saw more potential in me than anyone else.
3. Steve Maison - my high school vocal music teacher who encouraged me to follow my dreams.
4. My brother, Monte, who still loves me despite his fear of the direction in which my life has taken me.
5. Steph, who is the love of my life, my twin soul, and who handed me the keys to unlock my cage.

Another day to rest

2009-05-04T08:39:00.002-05:00

Although I started feeling much better yesterday, I am still experiencing some of the more unpleasant symptoms of this intestinal flu that Steph and I have have both had. Poor Steph has been suffering with it since Wednesday and I since Friday night. It doesn't shake easily! And in it's aftermath, one is left with an awful headache and a "rumbly in the tumbly" that is very unsettling. I'm staying in from work today hoping that just one more day's rest will shake it for good.

Not the Swine Flu, but feel like crap just the same

2009-05-02T13:44:00.002-05:00

I've picked up this intestinal flu that has been going around. Steph has had it for the last four days and now I have it too. YUK!

My handsome son

2009-05-01T08:43:00.003-05:00

This blog is not and never will be a "Mommy Blog", but I just got this yesterday, and couldn't resist sharing it. This is my son Nathan, who is seventeen and a junior in high school. He lives with his dad in another city and I don't get to see him nearly often enough. He plays baseball and football, and is the apple of his mother's eye. This is a picture from his junior prom, last weekend.

Blow, blow, thou spring wind

2009-04-25T08:53:00.004-05:00

I had such grandiose plans for my writing today! I was going to drive out to Couch Park, one of the most lovely spots in town, and plug my laptop into one of the pavilion outlets and spend the afternoon doing rewrites on my book in the shade of the many large oaks, amongst the chattering squirrels, and the chirping of the birds. But alas, the weather refused to cooperate with my wishes as the Oklahoma winds are blowing in a thunderstorm. I guess I'll have to stay inside to write.

Ten favorite movie characters

2009-04-22T18:37:00.014-05:00

I found this meme on Willow's blog and thought it so clever that I had to play along!

Idgie
Tawanda!

Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain
Don't call me Lawrence.

Albert
Oh God, I pierced the toast!

Antonio Salieri
Can you recall no melody of mine?

Charlie Anderson
They don't belong to the state they belong to me! When they were babies I never saw the state comin' around here with a spare tit!

Lili von Schtupp
Let's face it fellas, everything from the waist down is kaput!

Sam
I want the Rootie-Tootie Fresh N' Fruity like at IHOP.

Elinor Dashwood
Marianne, can you play something else? Mamma has been weeping since breakfast. I meant something less mournful dearest.

Eliza Doolittle
...and what I say is, them as pinched it done her in

Mama Morton
In this town, murder's a form of entertainment.

High School Meme

2009-04-21T09:06:00.004-05:00

I found this on Steph's blog and decided to play along. I wish that I had one of my senior portraits to upload, but I don't, so I'll try and find a picture of my old school to post.

1. Did you date someone from your school senior year?

Yes. His name was Eddie Bundy and he graduated the year before I did.

2. Did you marry someone from your high school?

No.

3. Did you car pool to school?

My freshman and sophomore years I carpooled with the kids across the road, but starting my junior year, I had a car so I drove both my brother and me.

4. What kind of car did you drive?

I had a 1976 yellow Dodge Colt.

5. What kind of car do you have now?

I have a 1996 Nissan Quest.

6. It's Friday night... where were you (in high school)?

In the fall I was playing in the band at the football games. In the spring, I was usually performing with the Madrigal somewhere.

7. It is Friday night... where are you (now)?

At home with Steph.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school?

I worked in a tuxedo shop, as well as for my dad in his veterinary clinic.

9. What kind of job do you do now?

I am a secretary/receptionist at a local real estate office and I teach private voice and piano.

10. Were you a party animal?

By no means. I was a good little Southern Baptist girl. I was very serious.

11. Were you considered a flirt?

Not at all. I was all about music and friends.

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?

I played the baritone horn in marching band and the bassoon in the concert band as well as the orchestra. I also sang in the Concert Choir (2nd Soprano), as well as the Madrigal (2nd Soprano).

13. Were you a nerd?

I was considered a "music nerd".

14. Did you get suspended or expelled?

Never. I was a very good girl.

15. Can you sing the fight song?

Stillwater High united,
Working together,
We'll never, never fail you,
victory will be ours (Rah! Rah! Rah!)
Our school we will love forever,
True to the Bronze & Blue
March on you Pioneers for SHS!

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)?

Steve Maison-Concert Choir, Madrigal
Charles Chessmore-Honors English
Ted Waterfall-American History
Kim Domnick-Speech/Drama

17. Where did you sit during lunch?

I usually went off campus for lunch.

18. What was your school's full name?

Then it was C.E. Donart High School. It was offcially changed to Stillwater High School several years after I graduated.

19. When did you graduate?

1978.

20. What was your school mascot?

We were the Pioneers and our mascot was a covered wagon.

21. If you could go back and do it again, would you?

Some of it I would. I loved the years with the Concert Choir and the Madrigal. I also loved performing and having leads in the musicals. (We did "The King & I" my junior year and "Guys & Dolls" my senior year.)

22. Did you have fun at Prom?

I went to the prom every year and had a great time!

23. Do you still talk to your prom date?

My junior and senior years I went to the prom with Eddie. I haven't seen him in nearly 15 years--not since his mom's funeral. One of my prom dates is now married to one of my best friends from high school and we do email one another once in a blue moon.

24. Who was your best friend?

Debi Butler--the "Frick" to my "Frack".

25. What did you want to be when you grew up?

A Broadway star!

26. Any regrets?

I wish I'd listened to my heart and done what I wanted to do instead of trying to please everyone else.

27. Biggest fashion mistake?

Double knit anything! YUK!

28. Favorite fashion trend?

I loved the large-legged, high-waisted trousers with the pleated tuxedo shirts. I really got into the whole tailored menswear look for women.

29. Are you going to your next reunion?

I'd like to.

30. Who did you have a secret crush on?

No one really. I was very picky.

31. Did you go on spring break?

In 1976 I went with my church youth choir to Washington D.C. for the Bicentennial celebrations. That was a lot of fun!

The reunion

2009-04-20T05:40:00.003-05:00

My best friend from high school, whom I have not seen in 20 years, came for a visit over the weekend. I can't even describe what a wonderful time we had. We didn't do anything but sit and talk, as we had so much to catch up. I didn't realize, until she came here this weekend, how much I have missed having her in my life. Thank goodness for places like Facebook. It brought Debi and me back together.

The Pagan origins of Easter

2009-04-12T10:10:00.004-05:00

The name "Easter" originated with the names of an ancient Goddess and God. The Venerable Bede, (672-735 CE.) a Christian scholar, first asserted in his book De Ratione Temporum that Easter was named after Eostre (a.k.a. Eastre). She was the Great Mother Goddess of the Saxon people in Northern Europe. Similarly, the "Teutonic dawn goddess of fertility [was] known variously as Ostare, Ostara, Ostern, Eostra, Eostre, Eostur, Eastra, Eastur, Austron and Ausos. Her name was derived from the ancient word for spring: "eastre." Similar Goddesses were known by other names in ancient cultures around the Mediterranean, and were celebrated in the springtime. Some were:
Aphrodite from ancient Cyprus
Ashtoreth from ancient Israel
Astarté from ancient Greece
Demeter from Mycenae
Hathor from ancient Egypt
Ishtar from Assyria
Kali, from India
Ostara a Norse Goddess of fertility.

An alternative explanation has been suggested. The name given by the Frankish church to Jesus' resurrection festival included the Latin word "alba" which means "white." (This was a reference to the white robes that were worn during the festival.) "Alba" also has a second meaning: "sunrise." When the name of the festival was translated into German, the "sunrise" meaning was selected in error. This became "ostern" in German. Ostern has been proposed as the origin of the word "Easter".

From Religious Tolerance.org

I have everything

2009-04-11T10:48:00.002-05:00

The secret of abundance is to stop focusing on what you do not have, and shift your consciousness to an appreciation for all that you are and all that you do have. ~ Wayne Dyer