Marriage: Our Day Arrives

It was around 9:00 a.m. on Monday, October 6, 2014 when I saw the announcement on my Facebook timeline, that the United States Supreme Court refused to hear the appeal of the State of Oklahoma in the 10th Circuit Federal Court of Appeals case that challenged Oklahoma's ban on same-sex marriage. Earlier in the summer, the 10th Circuit Court had agreed with a federal judge that the ban was unconstitutional. Knowing that SCOTUS's refusal to hear the appeal meant that same-sex marriage was suddenly legal in Oklahoma, I sat at my desk in a state of shock for about five minutes while the news sunk in. After nearly fifteen years together, Steph and I would be able to marry.

We set the date for Friday October 24th, 2014. We had two-and-a-half weeks to plan our wedding, which we decided would take place in our home in the presence of the warmth and love of our friends and family. Our dear friend, Allen Scott, who had been with us from the beginning of our relationship, agreed to register as an officiant so that he could perform the ceremony.

So here we are, a week later, still grinning from ear-to-ear and still pinching ourselves. Every once in a while, we look over at one another as we sit in the living room writing on our computers or watching a movie on Netflix and remind one another that we're really married.

At last, our dream has come true.

Remember

Remember the past, but don't linger.

Remember what we had, but move on.

Remember what we lost, but don't grieve.

Remember? You captured it all in song.

Remember the joys, the laughter.

Remember the heartbreak and tears.

Remember the tender, stolen kisses.

The memories sustained us through the years. 

Now at last we're together.

The memories of love brought us here.

It was the captured song we remembered,

And it kept us from all fear.

So remember the past and linger.

Linger in my arms and in my heart.

And when once again, death comes,

We will never again be apart. 

© K. Lynette Erwin, 2014

 

Nothing's going to harm you

Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around.

Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around.

Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,

I'll send 'em howling,

I don't care, I got ways.

No one's gonna hurt you,

No one's gonna dare.

Others can desert you,

Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there.

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,

But in time...

Nothing can harm you

Not while I'm around...

Not to worry, not to worry

I may not be smart but I ain't dumb

I can do it, put me to it

Show me something I can't overcome

Not to worry, Mum

Being close and being clever

Ain't like being true

I don't need to,

I would never hide a thing from you,

Like some...

No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare

Others can desert you,

Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!

Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while

But in time...

Nothing can harm you

Not while I'm around...

My one and only love

 

I carry your heart

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

~e.e. cummings

At last, my love has come along.

I don't have the words to express what I'm feeling today.  You have changed the meaning of love for me, and from this point on, I will never look at love the same.  You are my heart, my soul, my very life. 

Happy Birthday, my love.

Love letters buried in a box

As I was going through a packet of emails from Steph that I had printed from ten years ago, I found the most incredible, most beautiful love letter that I had completely forgotten about.  When I read it, tears poured from my eyes, for it was like reading it for the first time.  I relived the joy and excitement of our new love all over again, and marveled at how our love for one another has only grown since then.  The letter is far too intimate for me to share all of it but I want to share just one paragraph that especially touched me.

I could lay all sorts of bon mots at your delicious feet.  I could promise you to climb the highest mountain, or swim the deepest sea, but really, what merit is there in vows that will never be called upon?  No.  I vow to you my undying love for all eternity, whatever that is.  I vow that whatever happens in this universe, I shall always find you and love you.  You will never be alone.  And while we are here, I shall always treat you with the respect and love you so singularly deserve.  Whomever else may have my body, you will own my heart.

Amor De Mi Alma: You Are the Love of My Soul

Yo no naci sino para quereros;

Mi alma os ha cortado a su dedida;

Por hábito del alma misma os quiero.

Escrito está en mi alma vuestro gesto;

Yo lo leo tan solo que aun de vos

Me guardo enesto.

Quanto tengo confiesso yo deveros;

Por vos naci, por vos tengo la vida,

Y por vos é de morir y por vos  muero.

I was born to love only you;

My soul has formed you to its measure;

I want you as a garment for my soul.

Your very image is written on my soul;

 Such indescribable intimacy

I hide even from you.

All that I have, I owe to you;

For you I was born, for you I live,

For you I must die, and for you

I give my last breath.

~ Garcilaso de la Vega (1503-1536)






Here is this lovely poem set to music by OSU's own new Director of Choral Activities, Z. Randall Stroope.

When it no longer matters

Nine years ago, Steph got me for my 40th birthday, a 1 ounce bottle of Chanel no. 5 in the classic, square, crystal bottle. It was a very meaningful and lovely gift and I have nursed that bottle of purfume along all these nine years until I am now down to a fraction of a fraction, perhaps only about a week's worth, left. A couple of years ago, I vowed that once I got down to the last of it, and used it all up, that we would be wealthy enough to comfortably replace it without having to go without a week-and-a-half worth of groceries in order to do so. I've made a ritual out of repeating this vow each time I pull the crystal stopper out of the bottle and brush it across my wrists, forearms, and behind my ears. However, when I sat down this morning to perform the ritual, it suddenly flashed through my mind that although I have enjoyed this extravagant little luxury all these years, I no longer have the need to replace it. I realized that after nine years, and so many ups and downs, joys and sorrows, that the giver of the gift was still here with me, and her love and devotion for me, as well as mine for her, has only increased, as the perfume in the bottle has decreased. I suddenly realized that it no longer mattered if the perfume could be replaced, because what it represents is priceless, can never be replaced, and will never be used up.

I fall in love again

This Marriage

This Marriage
by Jalal al-Din Rumi


May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk,
this marriage, like wine and halvah.
May this marriage offer fruit and shade
like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
our every day a day in paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.
May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,
an omen as welcomes the moon in a clear blue sky.
I am out of words to describe
how spirit mingles in this marriage.

Somewhere out there

I shudder to think what my life might have become had I not found you on this day, ten years ago. You are the love of my life, my very heart. Ich liebe dich, now and forever.

I have everything

The secret of abundance is to stop focusing on what you do not have, and shift your consciousness to an appreciation for all that you are and all that you do have. ~ Wayne Dyer

I feel pretty

Let's never stop falling in love

Let me love you

Come, let me love you. Let me give my life to you.

Love is love

Do not judge and you will never be mistaken. ~ Jean Jacques Rousseau

Computing with my best friend

Since Steph got her new Toshiba Satellite laptop computer yesterday, she gave me her old Dell Inspiron and we've been sitting in bed all day together with our computers--she setting hers up and me writing my book, (which is now on my laptop so that I can take it to work with me and write while I'm on my lunch hour!), and dinking around on our blogs. We're having such a great time!

What a couple of sillies!

The reawakening

When Steph and I first found one another nearly 10 years ago neither of us were aware that she was being slowly attacked by what she describes as a "soul sucking" disease. Hashimoto's Thyroiditis isn't a simple thyroid "condition" but rather an auto-immune disease of the thyroid that literally robs its victim of their quality of life. Slowly but surely it saps them of their energy, motivation, emotions, sex drive, all of their senses--touch, taste, smell, hearing, and sight--dulling them and leaving the victim feeling old, depressed, and unable to function normally.

When Steph was diagnosed with this disease three years ago we were relieved to learn that it wasn't something that was life-threatening per se, and that all that one would have to do is take a little pill and the tyroid levels would return to normal. What we didn't understand, however, was that unlike simple hypo or hyper thyroid conditions, Hashimoto's was much more complicated and would require a proper balancing of the THS levels in order for the patient to return to a more normal state of being.

It has taken three years of roller-coastering, blood tests, changing doses--up & down, trying this and that, and finally Steph is beginning to feel a return to normal. It's almost miraculous and is most certainly thrilling to watch and to be a part of as one by one her senses, energy, emotions, and her life returns to her.

It's been a long-time coming, my love, and I am thrilled beyond words.

Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear, still craving your kiss...