The Eight of Cups: Severing links with the past

A turning point, a severing of links with the past, which have become outdated. A turning away from established relationships and objects of affection, to facilitate progress to newer and deeper things.

Although I know that the changes that are going on in my life right now are only clearing the way for newer and better things, I can't help but feel some saddness for what I leave behind. Along with this move, my last "chick" is leaving the nest. Last night, as Heather and I sat on her bed and watched America's Got Talent together, I began to tear up at the reality of my soon-to-be empty nest. I didn't think I would go through empty nest syndrome like this, but I think that with the upheaval of the move and the financial stress it is bringing, along with the fact that I'm right in the big fat middle of menopause, it's all a bit overwhelming right now.

I'm entering a new phase of life, now. It's hard not to look back and grieve over what may have been wasted or lost, but at the same time, I know that regret only keeps me from seeing the opportunities that are before me. So, as in the picture on the eight of cups, I turn away from the past, and begin my journey into the future, which I know to be full of tremendous promise.

I feel pretty

Just Yuk!

I've awakened this morning to swollen, achy, joints, (everything is swollen for that matter), achy hands and feet, asthma lurking around the corner, waiting to pounce at the slightest provocation, and a nagging headache.

But I'm in good spirits--at least I can be thankful for that! Does anyone have any chocolate?

Growing through change

Today, help me God, to let go of my resistance to change. Help me to be open to the process. Help me believe that the place I will be dropped off will be better than the place I was picked up. Help me to surrender, trust and accept. even if I don't understand. ~ Melody Beattie

A cynical view of womanhood

From John Gay's The Beggar's Opera, 1765:

Virgins are like the fair Flower in its Lustre,
Which in the Garden enamels the Ground;
Near it the Bees in play flutter and cluster,
And gaudy Butterflies frolick around.
But, when once pluck'd, 'tis no longer alluring,
To Covent-Garden 'tis sent (as yet sweet),
There fades, and shrinks, and grows past all enduring
Rots, stinks, and dies, and is trod under feet.

I'm not taking this well

Last night I had a nightmare. I won't go into any detail but it had everything to do with how I'm feeling about being menopausal. I think that I am now at peri-menopausal stage, and I'm having a really hard time with this.

I'm having the hardest time with the fact that I'm no longer young and desirable. I know for some women that really isn't an issue--it really doesn't bother them. They feel freer and happier, less pressured. I know it wasn't an issue for my mother. It is for me. It's a big issue.

I'm a Cancer and great deal of my self-esteem is rooted in my sexuality. I was married when I was not quite 22 years old. I was young and very pretty, and when I walked into a room, I could make every guy in the room's mouth drop open--all except for my husband. I gave my most beautiful, most desirable, most sexually charged years to a man who didn't give a shit. Eighteen years I gave to him, and then by the time I found someone who did care, she was sick and I was pre-menopausal and starting to decline. I feel like I've been robbed, and I'm grieving over it.

I want those lost years back.

Ten reasons why menopause sucks

(There are a whole lot more, but these seem to be the issues that are biggest for me.)

1. You get fat, (or fatter).

2. Your skin starts getting funny spots all over it, and it dries out and grows thin.

3. You can't see or hear as well.

4. Everything sags.

5. Your hair is dull and lifeless.

6. If you have allergies/asthma, they get worse.

7. You tire more easily.

8. You have horrible mood swings.

9. Your joints get achy.

10. You lose your memory.

All you young women who read this blog--don't ever complain about getting your period. Welcome it! Rejoice when you have it, for it's your fountain of youth! Whenever you're tempted to curse the day every month that your period arrives, come back to my blog and read this list.

(You've got to watch the following. Just don't laugh so hard that you pee your pants.)

The women in my life

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, And then I started to become a woman. And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, you will see the best in many friends.
	One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man. Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom. Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be. One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,' Another , 'Let's fight together,' Another , 'Let's walk away together.'
	One friend will meet your spiritual need, Another your shoe fetish, Another your love for movies, Another will be with you in your season of confusion, Another will be your clarifier, Another the wind beneath your wings.
	But whatever their assignment in your life, On whatever the occasion, On whatever the day, Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself . Those are your best friends.
	It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it's wrapped up in several.. One from 7th grade, One from high school, Several from the college years, A couple from old jobs, On some days your mother, On some days your neighbour, On others, your sisters, And on some days, your daughters.
So whether you've been my friend for 20 minutes or 20 years, I want you to know that you made a difference in my life.

The independant woman

Give a girl an education and introduce her properly into the world, and ten to one but she has the means of settling well, without further expense to anybody. ~Jane Austen

How to handle a woman

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

~Oscar Wilde