Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I'm not taking this well
Last night I had a nightmare. I won't go into any detail but it had everything to do with how I'm feeling about being menopausal. I think that I am now at peri-menopausal stage, and I'm having a really hard time with this.
I'm having the hardest time with the fact that I'm no longer young and desirable. I know for some women that really isn't an issue--it really doesn't bother them. They feel freer and happier, less pressured. I know it wasn't an issue for my mother. It is for me. It's a big issue.
I'm a Cancer and great deal of my self-esteem is rooted in my sexuality. I was married when I was not quite 22 years old. I was young and very pretty, and when I walked into a room, I could make every guy in the room's mouth drop open--all except for my husband. I gave my most beautiful, most desirable, most sexually charged years to a man who didn't give a shit. Eighteen years I gave to him, and then by the time I found someone who did care, she was sick and I was pre-menopausal and starting to decline. I feel like I've been robbed, and I'm grieving over it.
I want those lost years back.