20 Things I Would Love to Say

The most recent meme to resurface is the “20 Things I Would Love To Say” meme. You make a list of things you wish you could say to someone, but you don’t name names. The readers then either join in with their own lists of anonymous statements, or spend the rest of their day trying to figure out who the blogger was referring to, wondering if it was them. Passive-aggression at its worst, no? This can be fun, but it also carries the potential of turning really snarky and mean-spirited. I’ve decided to play along, with the disclaimer that if you’re reading this, I might very well be talking about you. (Thanks Steph!)

1. We're my favorite "us".

2. I know you lurk on my blogs thinking that I don't know you're reading them. I just want you to know that despite the fact that I think that you need to grow up and stop acting like such a brat, I really love and admire you. I always have, and I always will.

3. Your ability to look inside yourself and clean out the old stuff that was holding you back from reaching your potential has been such an inspiration to me! Your steadfast friendship, even when faced with rejection, means more to me than you can ever know. Thank you. (And keep on playing that recorder! I think you've found your niche!)

4. Finding you again, after so many years, has been a joy. Please know that you are always loved. (And purple has always suited you perfectly.)

5. Even when we don't speak to one another for several days or even weeks, I always know you're there. You've always been by my side to offer encouragement, love, and even a shoulder to cry on when I needed it. You've loved and cared for me, even when you didn't understand. Your gentle, humble, spirit has always been a comfort and inspiration to me, even when we were children. I have always loved you, and I always will.

6. Who would have thought that after over twenty-five years, that you would emerge to become one of the most important and dearest people in my life? I so love our Saturday/Sunday morning Facebook chats and I can't WAIT until we get there and can hug you in person! (And I think your girl is THE BOMB!)

7. You have your place in my life. Yes, there were some good times, and I will always remember them fondly, but I really don't want to be friends. Friendship with you carries too many expectations and a lot of old baggage. I'm no longer the person you knew, and I don't want to go back there again. I hope you find happiness in your life. I really do.

8. I love your blog. I love the subjects you choose to write about. I like the music you like and I love all your "favorite things". And Libras are totally COOL!

9. I wish we could have known each other better when we were in high school. I always admired you, and the oboe has always been one of my favorite instruments.

10. I hope that one day you will come back to the blogosphere. I understand how emotionally draining a divorce is, but we miss you.

11. I have a really hard time understanding disloyalty. What did I ever do to you to deserve such a stab in the back?

12. I hope to visit you in Scotland one day, very soon. (I love your taste in music, BTW!)

13. One day you will come to understand that your self worth doesn't reside in fame nor in brushing up against fame. Your worth comes from deep inside you, from the person you are and will become. You are valuable because you bring a unique perspective into this mix we refer to as "humanity". Know and be secure in that.

14. Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?

15. I hope that one day you will realize how many friends you have, and just how much they love you.

16. What would I do without you? Just don't be surprised when you wake up one morning and find that little yellow slug bug sitting in your driveway.

17. Condoms in an empty Marlboro box???

18. I'll always be grateful to you for coming to my defense in the forum. Hopefully it won't be long before we meet again in Salzburg!

19. I feel a trip to Disneyland is in order.

20. I always knew you'd find that little boy again!

The Eight of Cups: Severing links with the past

A turning point, a severing of links with the past, which have become outdated. A turning away from established relationships and objects of affection, to facilitate progress to newer and deeper things.

Although I know that the changes that are going on in my life right now are only clearing the way for newer and better things, I can't help but feel some saddness for what I leave behind. Along with this move, my last "chick" is leaving the nest. Last night, as Heather and I sat on her bed and watched America's Got Talent together, I began to tear up at the reality of my soon-to-be empty nest. I didn't think I would go through empty nest syndrome like this, but I think that with the upheaval of the move and the financial stress it is bringing, along with the fact that I'm right in the big fat middle of menopause, it's all a bit overwhelming right now.

I'm entering a new phase of life, now. It's hard not to look back and grieve over what may have been wasted or lost, but at the same time, I know that regret only keeps me from seeing the opportunities that are before me. So, as in the picture on the eight of cups, I turn away from the past, and begin my journey into the future, which I know to be full of tremendous promise.

When it no longer matters

Nine years ago, Steph got me for my 40th birthday, a 1 ounce bottle of Chanel no. 5 in the classic, square, crystal bottle. It was a very meaningful and lovely gift and I have nursed that bottle of purfume along all these nine years until I am now down to a fraction of a fraction, perhaps only about a week's worth, left. A couple of years ago, I vowed that once I got down to the last of it, and used it all up, that we would be wealthy enough to comfortably replace it without having to go without a week-and-a-half worth of groceries in order to do so. I've made a ritual out of repeating this vow each time I pull the crystal stopper out of the bottle and brush it across my wrists, forearms, and behind my ears. However, when I sat down this morning to perform the ritual, it suddenly flashed through my mind that although I have enjoyed this extravagant little luxury all these years, I no longer have the need to replace it. I realized that after nine years, and so many ups and downs, joys and sorrows, that the giver of the gift was still here with me, and her love and devotion for me, as well as mine for her, has only increased, as the perfume in the bottle has decreased. I suddenly realized that it no longer mattered if the perfume could be replaced, because what it represents is priceless, can never be replaced, and will never be used up.

A long list of to-do's

Last week we signed the lease on our new house and this week we've gotten into it to find that there is much work to be done before it is move-in ready. Steph started Friday evening with the pulling of nails and spackling, prepping the walls for new paint. The spackling is nearly finished, but we still have a long list of "to-dos" before we start painting. Yesterday I went through and inventoried everything that was wrong with the place. Our landlord gave us a paper with 10 spaces on it to list everything that was wrong. I filled out all ten lines and added two more. Everything from the place not being cleaned at all, to mold on the windowsills and screens, to doors that are off their hinges and/or won't latch, to badly stained toilets and tubs, and a garbage disposal that isn't operating. We're going to fix all the things that we can fix and do all the necessary cleaning, but then we're going to hand them the list and tell them that in light of the fact that we've done all the cleaning and fixing of the place, (with the exception of the garbage disposal), we don't feel that we should have to pay a cleaning deposit. The only thing left that I wish we could do is pull up that dark green carpeting and reveal the wood floors. I know they would probably require extensive restoration. Ah, well! Perhaps soon we'll be in the position to buy the house and we'll be able to do it then.

We'll be back at it again today!

Our little cottage

We'll be moving on August 1st and we just found out today that we got the house that we wanted! It's DARLING! Here are a few pictures of the outside that we just took this evening.

Western exposure from across the street.

Ivy growing up the porch!

Southern exposure, with large garage in back.

Another view of the front porch.

We hold these truths to be self-evident....

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. ~ The Declaration of Independence, Congress, July 4th, 1776