Computing with my best friend

Since Steph got her new Toshiba Satellite laptop computer yesterday, she gave me her old Dell Inspiron and we've been sitting in bed all day together with our computers--she setting hers up and me writing my book, (which is now on my laptop so that I can take it to work with me and write while I'm on my lunch hour!), and dinking around on our blogs. We're having such a great time!

What a couple of sillies!

Expressions of gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

~ Melody Beattie ~

The reawakening

When Steph and I first found one another nearly 10 years ago neither of us were aware that she was being slowly attacked by what she describes as a "soul sucking" disease. Hashimoto's Thyroiditis isn't a simple thyroid "condition" but rather an auto-immune disease of the thyroid that literally robs its victim of their quality of life. Slowly but surely it saps them of their energy, motivation, emotions, sex drive, all of their senses--touch, taste, smell, hearing, and sight--dulling them and leaving the victim feeling old, depressed, and unable to function normally.

When Steph was diagnosed with this disease three years ago we were relieved to learn that it wasn't something that was life-threatening per se, and that all that one would have to do is take a little pill and the tyroid levels would return to normal. What we didn't understand, however, was that unlike simple hypo or hyper thyroid conditions, Hashimoto's was much more complicated and would require a proper balancing of the THS levels in order for the patient to return to a more normal state of being.

It has taken three years of roller-coastering, blood tests, changing doses--up & down, trying this and that, and finally Steph is beginning to feel a return to normal. It's almost miraculous and is most certainly thrilling to watch and to be a part of as one by one her senses, energy, emotions, and her life returns to her.

It's been a long-time coming, my love, and I am thrilled beyond words.

Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear, still craving your kiss...

I am in love with you

When it is all said and done, when my life comes to its close, nothing else will have mattered but you.

Writing, writing, writing

All I do on the weekends now is write. I don't seem to have the time or concentration for much else so my blogs get ignored. My novel is about three-quarters of the way finished at this point and as soon as it's done, then I will start the second draft. What a project I've started! I had no idea how all consuming this would be!

In search of the profound

What does one say of the one they love when there are no words profound enough to describe the love that exsists between them? I could not breathe without it, for it is my very breath. It is what strengthens me when I grow weary. It is my hope when all other hopes fail me.

You are my love. You are my very heart.

The gift of a new day

Every morning, when we wake up we have twenty-four brand new hours to live. What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy and happiness to ourselves and others. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Submit

sub·mit
v. sub·mit·ted, sub·mit·ting, sub·mits
v.tr.
1. To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.
2. To subject to a condition or process.
3. To commit (something) to the consideration or judgment of another. See Synonyms at propose.
4. To offer as a proposition or contention: I submit that the terms are entirely unreasonable.
v.intr.
1. To give in to the authority, power, or desires of another. See Synonyms at yield.
2. To allow oneself to be subjected to something.
[Middle English submitten, from Latin submittere, to set under : sub-, sub- + mittere, to cause to go.]
sub·mittal (-mtl) n.
sub·mitter n.

I hereby submit myself to the power of the universe knowing that anything that comes my way both positive and negative is for my good and makes me a better, stronger, and more complete individual.

What a difference a day and a tender reminder make

Last night I was able to sit down and have a long discussion with Steph about what is happening to me through the writing of this book. I got down to the bottom of the fears and anxieties that I have been experiencing over it, my discomfort with the emotions it seems to be bringing forth from me and my insecurities over those. She listened and assured me that although I had to go into this alone and that there was no way to shield myself nor could she shield me from the pain, that she would be there when I came out and that she would love me as she always has, perhaps even more.

I can't adequately express what a difference her gentle assurance and reminder of her love made for me. It was all I needed.

Jumping into the abyss with no lifeline

I've come to the conlusion that writing this book is one of the most emotionally exhausting and painful endeavors I've ever taken on. Had I known it was going to be this painful, I don't know that I would have started it. But now that I've jumped into the abyss, I have no choice but to go all the way. I can't stop now. I just didn't realize that when I jumped that there would be no life line or no one at the other end to catch me. I didn't realize that this would be such a lonely endeavor. I can handle lonely. I can handle painful. But lonely and painful at the same time are quite another thing.

Freedom is my choice

True freedom and the end of suffering is living in such a way as if you had completely chosen whatever you feel or experience at this moment. ~ Eckhart Tolle

It's found!

Steph found my necklace just a little while ago when making the bed! She found it on the floor under some throw pillows! I can't tell you how happy it made me when I got the email saying, "I found it!"

Heartsick

I am absolutely heartsick. As I was getting ready to go to work this morning I went to my jewelry armoire to retrieve my diamond "journey" necklace that Steph gave to me for my birthday last June and it was gone. I looked everywhere for it--on the floor, on the shelf over the toilet, on the linen shelf by the sink, on my night table, on my desk, everywhere I could think to look and I still couldn't find it. I'm hoping upon hope that perhaps it fell out of the armoire onto the floor where the cat found it and decided to bat it around like a toy. I haven't checked under my bedroom chair yet, a favorite spot for her to deposit such things as lost necklaces, but until I find it, I'm going to be beside myself. I'm so upset!

The illusion is gone

I had a dream last night that when I awakened was very easy to analyze. I dreamed that I traveled to Vienna with Steph and when we arrived we went to visit this beautiful, old Viennese house full of ornate wood and carved, tray ceilings, large baroque stair cases, etc. All of a sudden the walls started filling with water, it came flooding into them from everywhere. The interior structure walls were filled to bursting and when they broke open a whole section of the interior of the house caved in, and the beautiful tray ceilings came crashing down, the ornate carving was splintered, and although the structure survived, what was revealed was only the structure. The rest had only been a facade, an illusion.

When one understands that in dreams houses represent one's life, then this dream was extremely revealing for me in light of the book I'm currently writing. Things are coming to light that are beginning to threaten the illusion I had of the main character in my book and about her life, and it is adding a whole new depth to the story and revealing a host of new characters who I never thought were important, as extremely important, and in many cases pivotal.

Blog friends

Don't ever let people tell you that you don't form real friendships on line. Some of the best friends I have are people I have met on line, including the love of my life and my life partner.

The following award was given to me by my new blog friend at Finding My Wings in Life. She's a very special young woman whom I am enjoying getting to know very much. Thank you for this. It's my very first award for this blog! :)

The source of inspiration

There is not something you are supposed to do. There is not something that you should do. There is only that which you are inspired to do. And how do you get inspired except by the contrast...It is the life experience that gives you the idea of the desire, and then as you focus upon the desire, the Energy flows. ~Abraham Hicks 1998